Think Out Loud

I simply want to turn off the internet and stay disconnected from the rest of the world for at least tonight.

But before that, I want to unload some things that has been weighing on my mind the past couple of days.

Usually, during pre-Christmas, it's all about the parties, gifts, reunions - the fun stuff. And the worst that could happen were stress-related work that somehow ruins the festive mood like a kill joy. But after a few days, it gets better. Then finally, I get to savor the most awaited vacation of the year.

But this year, one order broke the normalcy of my life. The interrogative: You're going to Cagayan de Oro City.

While Christmas was usually all fun and joy, this time I got to witness something so depressing. The beautifully-wrapped gifts were replaced with relief bags; reunions in restaurants were replaced with reunions in evacuation centers; and fun parties were replaced with search parties.

I wasn't expecting to spend my pre-Christmas in a disaster-stricken place.

Honestly, I was unwilling to go. In fact, the idea of being sent to CDO didn't even cross my mind. I knew the people in Davao are taking charge and there is already someone there for the job. So when I was asked 3 times if I wanted to go, I totally blanked out. Until finally they made the decision for me and ordered me to go.

So this excursion cost me one Christmas party I was really looking forward to. But then again, for the rest of the flood victims, it cost them homes, possessions, and lives.

Now I feel bad being here at home, warm and overfed while hundreds of them are out there cold, hungry and hopeless. And what makes it even harder for me was that I saw them, talked to them, and knew some of them.

The things that transpired over the week has just started to take effect on me. I'm suddenly feeling a little depressed over what I witnessed.

I feel terrible for these people (the typhoon victims). And when I got back home yesterday, I saw people go about their lives thinking that their happiness is the only thing that matters. It's selfish, really. And I'm ashamed to admit that I am one of them.

I realized that nothing is permanent in this world. You buy things, and then it's gone. People come, people go. Just like what Job said, "Naked I came out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return..." We should always be prepared for the worst, because you never know when disaster will hit you. Others are given second chances, while others are given only one.

I need to debrief but I don't want to ruin anybody's festive night. It's Christmas time, after all. Everybody's having fun with their family and friends. Me babbling about the stuff I'm feeling right now is just a kill joy. And besides, it's not like anybody's interested anyway.

There's really no one out there willing to listen to me. Yeah, anyone but God. I guess this is how He wants me to spend my Christmas, reflecting and telling Him everything I feel - like a Christmas date. And I think it's a good idea. At this point, nobody would be willing to listen to me but Him and nobody would understand me but Him.

Tonight, I'm going to spend my time writing the stories of the people I encountered and remember them in my prayers.

(I'll tell more of my recent adventures in the coming days.)

Blessed Christmas, everyone!

OKaaaaaay.

I've been using this camera for almost 5 months now and the terrible shots are still more than the good ones. Whenever I review my photos on the computer, I'm almost always disappointed. I mean, people with point-and-shoot cameras take better pictures than I do, so it's a little frustrating. But that needs to change. I need to learn from my mistakes and improve.

I discovered that I have really shaky hands - not because I do manual labor on my better days or that taking pictures using a DSLR makes me nervous - I just think my hands are naturally unsteady. So I looked over websites to find techniques on how to reduce camera shake - or in this case, refrain my shaking hands from destroying my photos.

I found this article by Natalie Horton. She's a photographer from Hawaii and she gave 6 techiques on how to reduce camera shakes:

1. Elbows in
2. Raise your left shoulder
3. Create a tripod with your knee
4. Lay down
5. The Machine Gun hold
6. Cradle it

I actually tried out the first tip and it worked. But I still have to experiment with the other 5. Perfect timing because I'm off to Aurora tonight. I'll apply these techniques in the days ahead to see which one would work best for me.  Keeping these in mind, I hope that once I return I wouldn't be too disappointed with my shots anymore.

Shower me with blessings!

Bon Voyage!

I read from someone's blog that you don't put down entries just because things didn't turn out the way you want it to be. And she's right. Although there is still that raging force inside me that wants to delete those few particular entries that I put up this year, I'm resisting the temptation of doing that. I mean, I just found out something really disturbing the other day and I wanted to rip those entries off because of the mixture of emotions I felt.

But once again, Dawn's right. Those entries are not just thoughts; it contains my emotions too. And putting it down would be like denying myself of those genuine emotions and thoughts that I worked so hard putting together.

But yes, I am going to be brutally honest in this entry. I am aghast, upset and I feel totally betrayed. I want to rip someone's head off because my trust was totally shattered. But even if I say the things I wanted to say, I don't think it will matter. And at this point, I don't think anything I say would. I admit my perspective towards these people changed. And I know I'm acting like a total pharisee here but cut me some slack. I'm a human being too who gets hurt.

Worse day scenarios have been running in my head recently. If things didn't get rocky halfway, I would probably be way deep in this stupid soup bowl. But thank God I'm not. Just that thought makes me want to throw up everything I ate since the beginning of the year. It's that Disgusting.

And I don't think I'm being immature. In fact, out of all of us involved here (excluding my real friends), it seems like I'm the only one acting as an adult. And that shouldn't be! I may be the youngest but I know when I need to act like one because for goodness' sakes I'm 23. And I shouldn't be the only one taking that step.

Yet on the bright side, I am glad that God protected me, and I'm positive He is continually watching over me. He gave me friends who cared for my well-being and who got my back as I got theirs. And I am thankful to Him that I have a praying mother who never forgets to pray for me even though I occassionally forget to pray for her .

It would take time before I get over this. Heck, it would take time before we all get over this. But I'm glad that I'm not going off in this journey alone. I'm glad Someone's got my back, and that Someone got me.

There are dozens of "what ifs" going on in my head right now. But not regrets. Just trivial "what ifs" that I'm just curious of, l/ike:

1. What if my mom forced me to take engineering or science-related courses in college instead of supporting me in taking up communication?

(I'd be filthy rich and immensely bitter.)

2. What if my mom was never supportive of my creativity?

(there's probably gonna be war.)

3. What if my dad joins one of our missions as a photographer (I mean my REAL dad)?

(awkward? fun? i really don't know. maybe philanthropy doesn't run in his blood. i just have a feeling it doesn't.)

4. What if the writer I got for Saturday and Sunday suddenly backs out?

(the laundry and my plans for Saturday and Sunday would have to wait.)

5. What if I work for Reader's Digest or National Geographic Travel tomorrow?

(wow. that would be nerve-wracking, but exciting nonetheless!)

6. What if my croaking voice gets worse tomorrow? (which I doubt)

(there would be a lack of humorous sarcasm in the office.)

I just woke up so my mind is still in a bit of an overdrive tonight. My roommates are also not asleep yet, prolly forgot it's Thursday tomorrow and NOT Saturday. And speaking of Saturday, I'm anticipating an all by myself weekend in the dorm.

Having no money really sucks.

Oh well, I'll just continue thinking of my what ifs.

What if I receive a thousand gran tomorrow...

What do I love about my job?

This job is actually a dream come true. Ever since I was in highschool, I wanted to be a writer. But I was a bit doubtful because I rarely win in writing contests and I have a lousy command of the English language.

But college came and I did a lot of writing exercises that helped improve my writing skills. And there, I discovered other things I enjoyed doing like layouting newsletters, designing communication materials, conceptualizing videos and producing radio programs.

So I prayed and asked God for a job where I could freely do everything I love.

And He granted my prayer.

Right now, I'm writing feature stories, conceptualizing and producing radio programs, travelling, taking pictures (photography), and even doing some admin work. I get excited whenever my works are published on print because I know I put a lot of thought and effort into it.

In this job, I'm growing as a writer. Before, I only write to inform. But now, I'm learning to write to inspire. I discovered that each person, no matter the background or the situation s/he is going through, is a source of inspiration. We just have to find it and polish it so that its brilliance would be seen by other people. Even in the medical scripts I'm writing, there is still a portion of inspiration at the end where I insert verses from the Bible to encourage listeners.

At the moment, things are not easy. But nobody said that the road to great writing is easy. There are many downs and few (but memorable) ups but it's the journey that matters. It builds up. It polishes you as a writer. It defines the kind of writer you'll be. It fixes attitude. It puts the heart in the right perspective.

That's the reason why I see to it that I surround myself with positive people - people who would be good sources of encouragement and would put my feet on the right track. It's also great to have mentors along the way. They give great insights. And for me, whenever they pass on knowledge and wisdom (for free), there's always a sense of honor brimming in my heart. I mean, who am I to be passed on with these great wisdom? I feel like I'm just a stranger who happened to pass by yet I was rewarded with something valuable I don't deserve.

This makes my current job more than just an answered prayer - it is more than what I asked for. And since I'm still just a neophyte writer living in the big city of vast opportunities and competition, this is exactly what I need - a place that would water me, take care of me, and allow my roots to stretch out.

And more than just the skills, my spiritual life is being looked after too. I am taught how to be excellent in my work and I am given the opportunity to share the Gsopel to people. Even my love for singing is sometimes being used positively.

These are just some of the things I love about my job. I am sure more would be added in the days to come.

But I also know that I would not be in this place forever. I would eventually outgrow it and would need to go somewhere else. But as of now, the best thing I can do is to cherish every moment I spend here. Take notes, learn, and enjoy.

Hey blog. I'm dead tired yet I can't sleep. I think I'm having a weird case of insomia. Well, whatever it is, I hope it stops soon. I have no time for stuff like this.

I. NEED. SLEEP.

...

Okay, didn't work.

Today was frustrating. I tried working on my stories but I didn't get the outputs I wanted. The story was bland, boring and forgettable. I don't know why I'm having a hard time finding angles on my stories lately. Maybe it's because I lack practice or I'm just starting to lose it.

Or maybe it's just stress and lack of sleep.

And that's the reason why I decided to come home early. To catch some Zs. Unfortunately, as you can see, sleep is not cooperating with me. So now, I'm donned in front of my laptop, blogging about who-knows-what ranting here. I wasn't even supposed to blog something as trivial as this. I'm supposed to blog about the wonderful weekend that I had. Well, I guess I could always write about that some other time, like today. But I'm not.

Stubborn.

Oh, BY THE WAY, I saw something really interesting today. It's like one of those days when you sense something between two people and then you accidentally see them together and you really like what you saw. Like it's heading somewhere nice. So yeah, I'm totally shipping 2 real people right now and I'm keeping my mouth shut - for once. I don't want things to get awkward between them because who knows? Maybe things would work out. And no, I'm not playing matchmaker. I'm just staying in the background and watch how everything would unfold between them. Oooh, exciting.

I wonder if other people around them are catching up? Well, if they are and they start sputtering teases and such, I'm gonna shove my fist in their mouth. I'm really rootin' for these two and I want things to work out between them. Honestly, I don't know why I'm very supportive of this idea but I am (well, as of the moment).

Or again, maybe it's just stress and lack of sleep.

This sucks. I haven't slept well in days. For 2 consecutive nights, I slept with my laptop on. When I woke up, my unfinished work glared at me like some kind of an evil conscience. Good thing I have flexi time until next week. I don't have to wake up super early for work. But my shoulders are hurting and my neck is starting to feel a little sore. But the infuriating thing about all of this is that no matter how much time I spend trying to finish my job, it's always not enough. Granted, I always always had to bring work at home and sleep at 1 or 2 in the morning.

My eyeballs are starting drop out of its sockets and my face is like butter. And worse - I'm fat. It sucks.

Totally sucks.

This past weekend, my social life was in overdrive - and it's not even over yet.

Last Tuesday, one of our new staff from Davao flew in to Manila for a training. Her name's Melanie and she's 22, making her the youngest staff in our company.

Yup, I've been dethroned.

Anyway, she's working under our department (Corporate Communication and Resource Devt.) and she's also temporarily staying at our dorm room. So, I took it upon myself to play host during the duration of her stay. I helped her get acquanted with things. What I didn't realize, though, is that I would also be having the longest gallivanting experiences of my life. She's a first-timer here in Manila so unofficially, I became one of her tour guides. She wanted to use the golden opportunity to explore the (in)famous city in the country and so I joined her in the majority of her quest.

So here's our list of activities last weekend:

Friday - went to Glorietta and watched a movie. For more details on the movie night, read here.


Saturday - watched Kutless' concert then strolled around Luneta Park. The dancing fountain generated the kind of awed reaction which Mark and the rest weren't able to get from her. I guess in that challenge, I win. (Ha.)


Sunday - went to church (CCF Ortigas), had lunch at Ate Maricor's house, went to Mall of Asia at around 6, then had a late night session with the girls to "celebrate our womanhood".


For Monday night, we were supposed to have dinner at The Fort. But because of the typhoon, we postponed it until tomorrow. (We realized going out for dinner in the middle of an impending storm was not a very wise thing to do. We could get stranded somewhere dark, wet and cold, or worse, brave out waist-length murky floodwaters. It's not an experiece I want to leave Melanie with. I don't want to traumatize her into coming back to Manila. Heck, even I would end up traumatized with an experience like that.)

So for the night, Melanie hit the lights early while I enjoyed the calming moment. I was cooped up in my bed sipping hot choco and watching Hawaii 5-0 on DVD (i missed some episodes). And yeah, blogging.

But despite of this crazy gallivanting weekend I'm not really used to, I felt strangely good. It was like finally achieving that sense of balance in my life. Usually, it's all work during weekdays, sleeping off during weekends, and building an internet social life during nights. But a whiff of fresh air (or in this case, a smog-filled air) actually helped my brain relax. And for once, I felt like a responsible adult. I finished my chores Saturday morning making me guiltless the whole afternoon. Now look at that. Who would have thought I have an ounce of self-discipline on my shoulders?

Plus, I also realized what a great bunch of outgoing friends I have. It's something I want to thank God for. (Thank you, friends =D)

So that's what happens when a Dabawenya visits Manila. You get to be a tour guide for the weekend and experience that rare sense of balance in your life.

God is good.

It was a battle between Johnny English and The Horrible Bosses.

After casting a quick vote, Johnny English won the night.
Boy, we were in for a major laugh trip that I hadn't felt in months.

Settling for the last full show while munching pop corn, burger, and french fries, I was glad I glomped down all of the food before the trailers ended. The first few scenes already had the whole theater erupting in laughter and we found ourselves out of breath. There's just something about Rowan Atkinson that's so funny even though he hasn't really done anything yet.

Johnny English Reborn is about an ousted British agent who was reinstated in the MI7, a special spy group, to stop an assassination attempt on the leader of China. He was asked to fly to Hongkong with his assigned partner, Tucker, to stop the crime. Unfortunately, Johnny's over-confidence and refusal to listen to rookie agent Tucker made him lose the evidence that would have stopped the assassination. He ended up being framed as the "mole of MI7."

Johnny's adventures were silly and extremely hilarious. For a while, you might get a glimpse of the signature "Mr. Bean moves" and it'll make you laugh even harder. There were serious moments when the story picks up but expect to crack up soon. It's a nice movie to watch with a group of friends. After the movie, all of you will certainly have fun remembering the funny bits and pieces of the story.

And for that, I give Johnny English 4 out of 5 stars.

In life, people come and go. But I'm glad that in this journey, I am able to make great friends. Though we may not see each other as often as we hoped, at least it gives us a reason to have reunions and dates to catch up with each other's lives.

The future becomes very exciting.

Though it's a little hard to admit, I'll say it now: I'm one of those people who are afraid of flirting with the unkown.

Surely you've heard of the saying "leave your comfort zone". Usually, it has the word "faith" attached to it somewhere. Saying it is easy. Mulling over it is easy. But doing it is a whole different matter. It's the time when fears, doubts, and hesitations come it. So much for faith, lol.

For me, it's the fear of failing that's keeping me in my comfort zone. The thinking that life is too precious to be wasted on mistakes has grown into me as I was growing up. Though I had my fair share of downs, I was determined to live my life without any regrets.

But it says in Eccleciastes 7:8, finishing is better than starting. How will I be able to finish anything if I'm afraid of starting something as simple as letting go? Patience is better than pride, Ecclesiastes 7:8 continues. My fear of failure is probably caused by an inflated pride and ego that I should start deflating. People fail, even successful ones do. Yet it's how you finish that matters, because you could either finish with regrets of slipped opportunities or finish with a sense of fulfillment for excellently fulfilling your purpose and mission. And when you finally stand in front of that great, white throne, you would hear the wonderful phrase:

"Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Last week, after enjoying the pleasures of the very fulfilling long weekend, I had the opportunity to celebrate the end of Ramadan with muslim friends. Since Eid ul-Fitr is the equivalent of Christmas for muslims, we at OB gave a treat to muslim children in Payatas' Muslim Community. With ages ranging from 2-17, more than one hundred muslim children received toys (Toy Story), loot bags, and hygiene kits.

But, it didn't end there (of course there always has to be a catch!). The most important highlight of that event was the bead story. We gave out "friendship bracelets" which has colored beads attached to it and each child received one. Each color represented something. The gold bead represented the heaven, the red bead represented Jesus' blood, the white bead represented a clean heart, the green bead represented growth, and the black bead represented sin.



Yes, in the midst of a muslim community in broad daylight during their most anticipated time of the year, unfalteringly we shared the truth about Jesus' intense love and care for them. The kids' curious looks and eager faces when the "bead story" was being told was priceless. It was even better than the looks they had when they received their treats.

When asked what he learned, a 9-year-old muslim child answered, "I learned the different meanings of the colors in the bracelet given to us and I learned about the love of Jesus. I am happy because Jesus loves me so much."

Just imagine how many millions of angels rejoiced and sung praises in the heavens when these innocent yet insightful words came out from the lips of this 9-year-old Muslim child. If that doesn't enliven your hope for an overwhelming record number of our Muslim friends to turn to Jesus and love Him with all their heart, soul, and strength, I don't know what will. Such a beautiful sight that will be.

If you are a teacherplanting seeds in the hearts of the next generation, believe that these these seeds will sprout and bear fruit like that of a tree planted firmly in a stream of water. It will not run dry or die.

I just read Joel Rosenberg's blog and I read about Reza Kahlili, an ex-CIA spy who spied on the Revolutionary Guards of Iran. Now a former muslim, this man shares how he renounced the teachings of Mohammed and turned to the teachings of Jesus Christ.
Here's an excerpt of his blog:

A childhood friend talked me into joining the Revolutionary Guards because of the knowledge and expertise in computers I had learned in the United States. But only months later I was shocked to witness the most heinous crimes taking place under the banner of Islam...

So I renounced Islam and began the quest to find the real God, the one who had blessed me so often in very dangerous times as a CIA spy. In that journey through a few Christian friends, I came to learn about Jesus. I found myself deeply moved by the teachings of Jesus of Nazareth. His words spread through my soul as seeds sprout and grow, opening my eyes and my heart to the real love of our Lord. It was then that I knew beyond doubt that the Bible was the true Word of God. That Jesus was the One I had always been looking for. 

Click here to read more of his story.

May this testimony encourage you to keep praying for the muslims, and may this testimony enliven your hearts to believe that there is still the hope of salvation and eternal life for our muslim friends all over the world. Next time, it wouldn't be Eid ul-Fitr. Instead, it will be a banquet night with loud chorus of praise. "Hossana! Hossana to God in the highest!".

You have been looking forward for this trip in months. You have arranged your schedule, finished what you had to finish, and prepared yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. And then, just a couple of weeks before the anticipated trip, they suddenly broke out the news to you:

You've been cut off from the trip.

Suddenly, you're pre-arranged schedule becomes useless, your sleepless nights becomes meaningless, and the preparations you made on yourself becomes pointless. In the end, all you were left with is a crashing wave of disappointment.

It happened just a few weeks ago. Til now, I'm reeling in fool's paradise. Yes, it was terribly upsetting because it was unexpected (and for some reason a bit unfair), but more than that, I had great hopes for this trip because it lands on my birthday. I thought I was finally going to have a different birthday this year. Unfortunately, it was not how things worked out.

So the pre-birthday festive mood I usually feel a week before my big day has drained out completely. I'm even starting to dread the day of my birthday because it's only going to remind me of of what I should be doing and where I should be. I honestly don't feel like spending my birthday with anyone because I know I wouldn't be okay. So, I just want to spend it like any other day. I know it may look like I'm wallowing in pain and self-pity but there are times when you just feel like being a masochist because things brought a deep pang in your heart.

But don't get me wrong. I still force myself to find something positive from this really disappointing situation. I learned that if God doesn't want you to go somewhere, you really wouldn't be able to go no matter how many ties you have and how many strings you pull.

Here's part 2 of my earlier post, Juggling Media. I mentioned back then that I was able to do 3 of my top To Do favorites last month: travel, write and take pictures. I have shared my Valenzuela experience so now, I will take you somewhere farther north: Pangasinan.

Believe it or not, I have never been to Pangasinan. Passed by it, yes, but not really stayed long or went around. Anyway, I covered our CT medical mission there and just like any other mission, it's different from the rest.

First off, I was able to minister to a couple of mothers. Nothing beats travelling than taking the opportunity to minister to the locals and share God's Word and love to them. It makes my work purposeful and relevant. Plus, there's this sense of fulfillment because you were able to touch a life in your lifetime. I encouraged the children to dream big dreams and always lift in up their prayers to God. Dreaming was one of the things that made me desire to achieve great things in life.

Second, I had a really great time with the volunteers. They were all funny and craz-eh. The ride back home was the craziest ever. I learned never to place ladies together in a van after they have eaten dinner and if they have a pack of ice breaker questions. If not, you'll be bound to have a crazy 4 hour road trip! But it was really fun.

Plus! I was able to have a picture with a 92 year old woman. How cool is that?!

Whoa. A whole month with no blog entry? No wonder my few loyal followers started demanding new entries on my FB wall. (Yes, demanding by using excessive exclamation points and letters to prove a point.)

I know, I know. Here's the part where I explain my lack of posts. Well, aside from the fact that August is my least favorite month of the year (coz it's the birth month of my least favorite person in the world - i know, immature), August has been pretty busy. Not the kind of busy that you'd particularly enjoy, but just the kind of busy that would keep your mind reeling and preoccupied. Now that I think about it, boredom did become a rather rare thing...

Anyway, I did have a number of great higlights during that month (in fairness to August), I was able to do 3 of my top favorite things right now: travel, write and take pictures.

Though it's not really that far in terms of transportation and geography, I had quite an adventure in Valenzuela. No, not the country (how I wish). Just the one in NCR. But believe it or not I haven't been to that city. I'm usually the 'south' person, spending my days and time in the southern part of the metro. I covered a story there. What made the trip adventure-like was that we spent the whole day in what was said to be a former dumpsite. Yeah right, former. The place looked anything but former. It is still a dumpsite whether anyone accepts it or not.

Anyway, covering the mission was overwhelmingly nerve-wracking. I haven't written for a medical mission in 2 years! So I charged into battle with a rusty mental pen and turtle-like writer's intuition. It was a bit depressing, really, but when you're in the midst of the chaos and action, there's no time to be depressed. I just did what I do best: prayed and pulled out my resourcefulness card. Thank God He helped me piece together a story from practically out of nothing.

And aside from coming as the official writer, I was also the unofficial photographer (yes, Nikon and I were finally reunited after 3 months). Our official photographer was Leeane Padernal and though it was only her first time to join us, she was able to produce great photos. She was really cool (as a person and as a photographer) and she taught me some photography stuff (for free. Lol!). Because of her, I learned how to operate the camera using manual settings and that's a HUGE achievement!

BUT, the tasks didn't stop there. Our radio program, Sa Totoo Lang, patched the medical mission LIVE from the field. And because of that, I had to gather all necessary information needed for Doc Yvonne's brief interview (she started warning the doctors never to come near me because people who do usually end up having sudden air times in radios or tvs). I also had to grab a patient who could handle an interview. Thankfully, I was able to find one.

The Valenzuela Mission was like juggling 3 media in one hand: print, radio, and camera (when you're a photographer, the camera is your 'media'). But it felt great to roll back into action. I felt refreshed, sharpened, and ready to take on more!

On the bright side, things are doing good for me on the "Book Department". Out of the 6 books I listed on my previous entry, I already have 4: Daddy Long Legs, The Confession, The Screwtape Letters, and I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Thanks to e-books, I was able to grab free copies without the stress of darting from one bookstore to another. Also, I was able to save a huge amount of money because the Lord knows how much I'm broke. Thankfully, salary will be released within the week (i hope).

Now, it's time to hit the "books".

:-)

Today was the gloomiest and dullest weather to date. According to the weather station, there's a typhoon somewhere in the island. The sun never got a chance to take a peek. Mr. Cumulus Cloud was really dominating today.

But unlike the school kids who enjoyed a day off due to the sudden suspension of classes, we didn't receive the same incentive. (Our violent reaction would always be, "Why? Are kids the only ones who get wet when it rains??"). Thanks to the weather, I was really drowsy and sleepy the whole morning so I took matters into my own hands. I ate a heavy brunch and then I took a LONG nap during lunch. And quite surprisingly, it seemed to do the trick. After 30 minutes, I woke up feeling a tad refreshed and rejuvenated. As a result, I was able to work on one script, though I wasn't able to finish it.

Speaking of scripts, this week I get another break from STL. Sometimes I wish it would remain that way. Radio scriptwriting is really stressing me out in ways that I'm starting to dread it. Honestly, I never liked radio. So directly working for this media right now is very ironic. I'm starting to regret taking those radio courses.

Last night, when I was doing overtime, I had a brief chat with a co-worker (who happens to be the manager of another department). Looking over the manuals I laid out for an activity this week, she insisted that designing communication materials is my specialty, which I vehemently denied. In all honesty, I know nothing about the creative technicalities of graphic designing, and the very little and basic I know are just a product of forced trial and error. I didn't bother to mention that I COULDN'T draw, even though that would give her a clear picture of my dilemma. In fact, in the spiffing world of graphic designers, I would be considered as a neophyte, on the most bottom part of the "graphic designers' food chain".

To give proof to my unpretentious claims, the manager of the communications department of our sister company commented on a bookmark I recently designed, "I don't like it." In other words, it doesn't look good, it doesn't work, and it's sloppy. It's probably took a lot of self-control on his part not to say (or maybe he did say it and my boss just cushioned his comments by deciding not to mention it), "What gives you ANY right to DESIGN communication materials for events as big as THIS??"

Quite honestly, he could be right on some aspects. After all, I am just a neophyte in the bottom of the food chain. But on ordinary days, I wouldn't be given that job. The only reason I took it (when it was given to me) was because they kept on complaining every time we ask for designs. Since I do know a little about the technology, who am I to say "No" to the company I've pledged my loyalty to? So sometimes, work could get a bit overwhelming and confusing when it comes to the power showdown.

Moving on, I admitted to my co-worker that my first (real) love is feature writing. She looked genuinely surprised at my claim and she played the "what-college-course-did-you-graduate-from" game on me. And she's right. Feature writing isn't really part of the loop but that didn't mean I lost my connection to it. I'm usually the freestyle writer who doesn't want to be bounded by technicalities of required writing styles. That is why I created this blog, to free myself from the shackles of structured writing I deal with 8 hours a day. That is also why too much of scriptwriting bores me to death (to the point where I want to vomit it). At first, I thought the struggles where a spiritual thing, but eventually, I found out that it's just a simple case of interest. In other words, I'm losing interest in making medical scripts (even though I do learn a great deal about health and common sickness. But still...) because I'm not a doctor and it requires an overwhelming amount of research. My officemates (and even my boss!) are teasing me that a little more of this and I'll be found in med school. Oh please. That doesn't even flatter me one bit.

So here I am again, dedicating a third of my entry to sulking and complaining. But with all due respect, I am learning a lot about myself, of what I want to do and what I don't want to do in life - like making tremendous amounts of radio scripts in a month.

Books I hope to read before 2011 ends:

1. The Twelfth Imam by Joel Rosenberg

2. The Confession by John Grisham


3. Pacific Rims by Rafe Bartholomew


4. The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis


5. My Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster (where can I find this book?!?)



6. I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris (just because I'm probably the only Christian young adult in the world who hasn't read this)

What would life be if we are allowed to chase our dreams and be who we want to be? Would we be happy or will life be the same - full of challenges and crossroads?

I'm slowly inching my way back to blogging after weeks of being AWOL. I'm experiencing a serious case of writer's block, not just in blogging but in writing as a whole. And it is so not cool, especially when your best (and only) capital is writing.

I am so uninspired. My mind is like an inflated balloon that popped, ricocheting like crazy. My enthusiasm is going down the drain. Expressing thoughts is becoming really hard. I'm not sure why this is happening but I guess stuff like these are bound to happen when you're being pressed on all sides with issues and, yes, problems.

Things have been pretty rough lately. I never really expected it to affect me like this - with a massive writer's block. So just a while ago, prior to this entry, I decided to battle it out with writing again. Maybe it would cure me  of my "depressed writer's syndrome".

(If you find it too unbelievable, yes, I'm a writer by profession. I find it hard to believe too, haha.)

Maybe I just need a change of scenery. But taking a leave off work might not do the trick because by the time I return, my stack of work would be 100x more than what I left it. I thought of quitting my job, but then where will I go? By the time my inspiration's back and my enthusiasm reached the normal level, I wouldn't have any place to source it through. And later on, I would just regret quitting my job because I did it compulsively.

Sigh. I think I need that Castle DVD right now.

A little bit of mind churning and a little bit of action might just do the trick.

I don't know why I'm dealing with a lot of "father stuff" lately. I'm not sure if it has something to do with the upcoming Father's Day or if it's something more than that. Ever since my Antique trip, until I got home, to my sharing moments with my roommates, to finding out that our office in Davao is moving somewhere close to my real dad's old company, up to the topics being talked about in Elvie's internet-radio today - I just noticed I'm being bombarded with too much of this.

To make things even better, our radio segment producer texted me this afternoon and asked me to do a Father's Day episode for Friday. So I asked around in the office, particularly the fathers, on what father's day topic appeals to them. I really didn't want it to be just any usual health topic that concerns men - like prostate cancer. I mean, where's the fun and interest in that? Father's Day is supposed to salute the fathers, not hound them with medical facts and theories on why their aged bodies are deteriorating. I mean, come on, they already get that.

So as I was doing my survey, one specific topic stood out, one that I'm not really thrilled of doing. Behold, the Father and Child Bonding.

Great. Just the kind of topic that is very far away from my heart.

I'm an illegitimate child. When I was a kid, I asked my mother why my dad doesn't sleep in our house. When I turned 9, she told me everything. The last time I saw my dad was during my 17th birthday. Since then, I never saw him.

I couldn't say I was deprived of a dad during childhood. He was there during my birthdays, gave me gifts, took us out for dinner, visited me everyday (that waned as the years went by), and supported my schooling. However, now that I'm 22, I just came to realize that without constantly having him around, we've missed something important: the bonding.

We never had deep conversations as I was growing up. We never talked about anything more than "how's school" and "what are you up to now". I don't know his favorite food. I don't know his quirks. I don't know what his hobbies are. I don't know his favorite movies. I don't even know if he watches movies. We never had the "future" talk. He never taught me how to drive. The only thing I could remember him teaching me was how to operate a cellphone. Other than that, it was all pretty shallow.

It's hard living as someone's biggest secret. Everything becomes limited and restricted, even the relationship. But I've grown used to it and I understand the situation perfectly. In fact, I'd rather choose not to see my dad but be assured that he and his family are well and in good terms than for me to see my him but knowing full well that his family's knowledge of my existence has deeply hurt them. They've been through so much hurts and pains that I don't want to be another cause of a much deeper wound. I don't want relationships to be destroyed just because of me.

When I finally got the go signal to do this episode on Friday, I admit my heart dropped in bafflement. It's hard to write about something you know you would have enjoyed but didn't. I didn't even realize that it had touched a sensitive spot. But God wanted me to realize that during all those years that I was fatherless, He became a father to me. When I needed a hug, He hugged me; when I needed someone to talk to, He listened to me; when I was rebelling, He disciplined me; when I achieved milestones in life, He rejoiced with me.

I know my real dad loves me, and I love him too. But God's love for me is even greater than what people, or in this case my real dad, can give. In Him there are no limitations, only freedom.

And as an extension of His love, He's sending mentors, like the closest father-figure I have, who are filling in what I've missed and teaching me what my real dad would have taught me.

So advance Happy Father's Day, Dad.

I think I'm ready to work on that script now :)

My friend just dedicated a blog entry to me. Haha. Insane guy. You can read his blog entry here .

Thank you for this, friend. You just encouraged me to be more random. HAHA

This should have been posted last week ^_^

It's been almost a week since my 2-week getaway/adventure in Antique and Aklan. Until now, I'm still floating in the air with the memories of the good times and the hard times we all conquered. It's not easy to decide where to begin. Living in those 2 weeks felt like 2 years. But now that's over, I feel that the experience ended too fast and I wanted more.

The memories are still fresh, the feeling of nostalgia still very vivid. Such a remarkable experience.

So before the euphoria dies down, here's my top 15 photos that would best describe my Antique-Aklan experience:

I lived the dream! I went as a writer and I was the first one to use our brand new Nikon 5100 DSLR. There's nothing more exciting than going on field armed with a camera and a pen. In fact, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I was overwhelmed with so many firsts. But this one tops it all. Because of this experience, I'm starting to consider doing freelance travel writing when the right time comes.

I met my two mentors: one in photography and one in writing. I learned how to tinker the camera, shoot with the right angle, and ask the right questions to the right people in order to put substance in my story. One thing that made these mentoring sessions even better was that I was able to apply the things I learned right away. Talk about practical exam!

I sailed the rough seas of Aklan aboard this small, humble fisherman's boat. Thankfully, the waters were not as rough as it was the following day. We sailed late afternoon (this was part of our visit to one of our livelihood beneficiaries 3 years ago. It's a success story that I'm gonna right about soon). With this once in a lifetime experience, I can say that I was able to live a fisherman's life for at most 30 minutes, even though we didn't really do any catching or fishing.

If you think 9pm is early, then the province life is not for you. In Antique, all shops are closed by 8pm. So if you take a nap, don't allow yourself to sleep in after 7pm or else you won't find any place for dinner. And we learned it the hard way. Thankfully, the caretaker of the guest house and his friend knew a restaurant about 20 minutes away that is open until 12 midnight.


Welcome to THE Guest House, the place we considered home for more than a week. This was where we slept, ate, worked, and feverishly assembled the wheelchairs. This used to be a safe house for families caught in the middle of Antique's political wars. And it so happened that Paul's family, the caretaker, used to one of those. One night  (while I was doing my laundry) he suddenly said that he never thought he would be back to this place. It is now bearing very little marks of what his family went through when he was still a small boy. Wearing my investigative journalist's hat, I found out that his father used to be a political player in the barangay level and was caught in the political mayhem. If I remember it right, that was prior to the Martial Law up to the transition of power to the late Cory Aquino's government. The late Evilio Javier, an avid Aquino supporter who was assassinated during the snap elections, was one of the people who took care of his family.

NOW, if you're wondering if we encountered half bodies flying around or small monsters running in circles around this fairly huge guest house (after all, this is Antique), sorry to disappoint you but we didn't. And it's not as if such weirdness was welcomed. The only annoying creatures we dealt with were dozens of jumping frogs and hundreds of flying gamo-gamo.

And FYI, we were the first ones to use this freshly-renovated guest house.

Stingy with the overloading law? Well, this is how they do it in Antique. As long as you can fit in and the tricycle can run, feel free to hitch. With pay, of course. This happened to us when we went home from Gaisano Mall. They fit all 8 of us in one tricycle. How that happened? I'll leave it to your creative imagination.

1. We have a radio partner now in Antique,
2. It's fun to build rapport with radio hosts, and
3. I can now scratch and scribble an OB script in 2 minutes 

I hope I can do the third part for our TWR scripts.


I got inked! Thanks to Mark, he pressured me into getting a henna at Boracay. I guess that's what they call peer pressure. But I didn't go off without a fight. I bribed him to pay half of the charge or else I wouldn't get a henna with him. Ha! Worked like a charm.

Last February, I prayed for a road trip vacation. But I didn't expect it would be in this form - and it was waaaay better than what I expected! A road trip it was, all right. We went back and forth to Antique (which, FYI, is a four hour drive) and then, the adventures in this mini-elf! The team started telling me to be careful with my prayers because God is answering them in extraordinary ways and it's getting them involved too. HAHA. But I know you had fun, guys. Don't deny it. So I'll pray some more! ^_^

The best and the highlight of this whole trip was that we were able to minister to people who were in desperate need of Christ. We were able to talk to them, encourage them, pray for them, touch their hands, and simply pat their shoulders. Oftentimes, these simple actions bring loads of comfort to people who are on the verge of giving up. It was a great opportunity to extend the love and care of Jesus. This made the whole trip a million times fulfilling.

I can't wait for my next adventures! Stay tuned!

I want to give a shout out to my mentor and surrogate father who taught me a lot about photography the past 2 weeks, and shared many words of wisdom and life lessons to me. I know I will carry it with me until I grow old. I am excited to see how God will work in your life, especially now. It's a testimony that is very much anticipated by all of us!

 I found a dad in you; I hope you found a daughter in me.

I just came back from my 2-week trip in Antique and Aklan. Right now, I can say I'm experiencing slight symptoms of separation anxiety. I kinda got attached to the people i've been with.

Who would have thought that I would gain too much (not weight) in just two weeks? It was like I gained a whole lifetime and the feeling is ridiculously overwhelming.

To start with, this is what God welcomed us with on our arrival (by roadtrip from Aklan) at Antique:



Prior to my being a part of this mission, I was overwhelmed with so many "firsts". It was my first time to:

1. be a part of the Wheelchair Distribution Team
2. go to Visayas as a staff of Operation Blessing
3. go to Antique and Aklan
4. use a (brand new) DSLR during field work
5. be on the field for 2 weeks
6. spend my 2nd anniversary on field as an OB staff
7. work with the people I've been with (except Elvie because we're the only staff who were there)

And more than that, I was able to bond with these excellent, competent, and uberly crazy people who made my two weeks full of color and life.

Since Zek isn't in the picture above, he gets a special photo here. With me, of course, since I'm also part of the team.

Well, well, well... Love is in the air and it's not even February!

I just found out (from the ever-reliable Facebook) that one of my high school classmates is getting married tomorrow and one of my closest friends in college will have her wedding on Saturday.

Am I reaching the age where friends and people around me are getting married while I'm stuck on being single - without even one manliligaw? Oh, well. Shrug. Guess it is that time of the year.

Anyway, I'm off on a two-week trip starting next week. So no internet-pleasure for me. But it's okay. Field work's better. It makes my life very productive. And I'm going off as a writer! That's an added excitement for me. Hadn't been a feature writer for quite some time. I just hope I could bring our new DSLR, if we get the order on time. I think we're headed to the beach after all the work is done. Cool.

 But, I'm still praying for my own DSLR. At least now I know where to buy one.

It's almost midnight (at least in an hour) and Cyril and I are still chatting, which is turning weirder and crazier every second. Well, that's not really surprising because this is us we're taking about. It's just not us when we're not insane. Anyway, I didn't know it was his birthday today so he was screaming for attention (KSP if you ask me: meaning kuland sa pansin) in Facebook. I thought it was a spam because Facebook is streaming with annoying spams lately, but it ended up being legitimate and a real person. And that's where all this randomness and craziness started. It went from my poor memory of birthdays to cartoons to larry king and anderson cooper to his white hair to dogs and cats and then to the azkals. I couldn't help blurting out how p*ssed I am for missing the Azkals, most especially James Younghusband, in UPLB today.  I told him (more like demanded him) to make it his birthday wish that James YHusband and I meet. And he did. He wished JYhusband would crash land in my dorm.

Forgive my friend. He's got a really violent imagination. Watched too many looney toons back in the days (probably ages ago, when I was still a newborn infant. Ha!). Anyway, he's probably reading this right now and thinking of ways on how to exact revenge on my story and he'll end up writing a blog entry.

Then mission accomplished. It's high time he start updating that standstill blog of his. (If it was a notebook, it's probably all dusty and old by now.)

So hey, you're welcome. Don't mention it.
:-)

While last week has been my most stressful week to date, this week has been the happiest, saddest, coolest, and most aggravating week I've ever had - and it hasn't even ended yet.

Happiest because I was chosen as the Employee of the Month for April. It was totally unexpected. I never dreamed I would ever achieve that. But it happened and I'm greatly thankful to the Lord. It was really a  surprise. An unexpected favor from God. Though I know in my heart that there are still many things I need to improve on, I am glad that I felt God's loving assurance that He is pleased with my work. All glory to Him alone!

Coolest because for the first time in weeks, Angel and I went out for some fun. I brought her to the OMF bookstore to show her the biggest OMF store (so far) in the country. We bought some things (a book and a Bible cover for me, while a set of memory card verses for her) then we went to Shangri La for dinner. We ate in the foodcourt because Angel wanted to try out some food joints that could not be found in Davao. So fast food chains like McDo and KFC were quickly disqualified from our list. There's no dull moment when you're with Angel. Her stories are really one of a kind - funny and there's-no-way-you-could-have-done-it kind of way. Well, the idea of the whole thing, really, was just to hang out, bond and have fun instead of being stuck the whole night in our microwave dorm.

Next, aggravating because I had a rough time with 2 co-workers. I think I got into their nerves which I never intended to do. So now they got on my nerves. But I don't want to talk about it because it's not worth a blog entry. I just surrendered it to God and begged Him to help me get over my feeling of discouragement and negativity and just move on without sinning.

And finally, saddest because one of my closest co-worker, VJ, is resigning. She has become more than a co-worker the past two years and she has been a close friend, constant companion, mischief-partner, and confidante. CCRD will never be the same again without her. She is truly someone irreplaceable. But I am happy for her because she can now stretch out her wings freely and start working on the new things God wants her to do. She has new job assignments from the Lord now. I am really excited to see her bloom into the woman God wants her to be. I will truly miss our crazy antics and the simple sharing moments we had. But most of all, I will miss her everyday presence. I am truly grateful to God for the friendship we had and for sending her into my life - and into my first ever workplace at that! She is one of the few people who showed genuine sisterly care, not because she's obliged to, but because she simply wanted to. I felt God's unconditional love through her.


But, we still have at least two weeks to be together. So it's time to get rid of all the loneliness and just enjoy the moments we will have with her. It's not like the friendship is ending, right?

Thank you, Lord, for this precious gift of friendship that You have blessed me with. 

Letting go still has its painful parts no matter how ready you are.


But life has to go on. Flap your butterfly wings and move forward.

Win the goal God wants you to achieve.

I had the privilege of being part of the very few select who were able to watch two episodes of the all-new 3D version of Superbook.

Superbook is very close to my heart. Not only is it a cartoon, but it is a cartoon that I practically grew up with. When I was very young, I used to watch its every episode and I would even scream "Superbook" when it's almost time to watch it. I even tried jumping on a Bible to see if it would take me back in the time of Jesus. Of course, it never happened (but I think I just traced where my active imagination came from).


We watched the episode on the story of David and of the first fall of man. Based on cinematography and presentation, it gets an A+ from me. So happened, when we watched it, I was seated on the very front row with the speaker blasting right in front of me. I felt like I was watching in a cinema. The musical scores are surprisingly beyond average. The scripts were excellent. It clearly conveyed biblical messages (with no compromises) and were written very well. It has a touch of humor (especially Gizmo and Professor Quantum) and a touch of heart (kurot sa puso).

Now based on the content, I give it an A+++ (if that's possible). The stories, though portraying some characters in the Bible, were very much God-centered. It didn't put the glory on David, or on archangel Michael, but on God. Both characters gave the glory to God. On one scene, Michael refused to join or even listen to Lucifer's proposal of joining the would-be devil. Michael remained loyal to the One and Only God up to this day. On another scene in the story, we saw God's mercy and love portrayed in spite of the sins the first humans committed. David, on the other hand, kept telling King Saul that the Lord will be with him in battle (as he faces Goliath), the Lord would be his shield (so he has no need for King Saul's weapons and shield), and telling Goliath when he had killed him, "My God is not weak" (with emphasis). But the best part of the story (which I think all of us in the audience loved) was the scene when David and Chris were talking in front of a bonfire while David was playing the harp. When Chris praised him on his harp-playing skills, David had only one thing to reply, "I play for my God."

That spoke a thousand message to us. I almost bawled my eyes out.

I can't wait for the launching of Superbook. From what I hear, it's set to air on September. Even if I'm already 22 and far too young to be watching cartoons, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Oftentimes, it's the simple things that strike hard on our hearts. When we were young, the words and things we hear didn't really make much sense to us but after years of experiencing trials, problems, and victories in life, all of the things we heard started to make sense. It's like singing With Christ in my vessel at age 22 and above:

In Christ in my vessel I can smile at the storm, smile at the storm, smile at the storm
With Christ in my vessel I can smile at the storm
Until He takes me home.
Sailing, I'm sailing home.
Sailing, I'm sailing home.
With Christ in my vessel I can smile at the storm
Until He takes me home.


Could we really smile now in the midst of storms looming on us from every direction? Do we really put our trust in Him when the going gets tough? Is Christ really in our vessel - our life?

It's not until you grow and get a good dose of reality that such words would start to make meaning. I admit that when we sang that again as a praise and worship song in one of our devotions, I caught myself finding it hard to continue. The lyrics suddenly made sense. A whole lot of sense. And hearing it being sung by innocent children  it makes my heart quench and makes me feel ashamed that even once I doubted Him.
I'm glad that after more than a decade, Superbook is back. I pray with all my heart that many kids, and even adults, would know a lot about God through Superbook and decide to love Him and accept Him as Lord and Savior.