I simply want to turn off the internet and stay disconnected from the rest of the world for at least tonight.

But before that, I want to unload some things that has been weighing on my mind the past couple of days.

Usually, during pre-Christmas, it's all about the parties, gifts, reunions - the fun stuff. And the worst that could happen were stress-related work that somehow ruins the festive mood like a kill joy. But after a few days, it gets better. Then finally, I get to savor the most awaited vacation of the year.

But this year, one order broke the normalcy of my life. The interrogative: You're going to Cagayan de Oro City.

While Christmas was usually all fun and joy, this time I got to witness something so depressing. The beautifully-wrapped gifts were replaced with relief bags; reunions in restaurants were replaced with reunions in evacuation centers; and fun parties were replaced with search parties.

I wasn't expecting to spend my pre-Christmas in a disaster-stricken place.

Honestly, I was unwilling to go. In fact, the idea of being sent to CDO didn't even cross my mind. I knew the people in Davao are taking charge and there is already someone there for the job. So when I was asked 3 times if I wanted to go, I totally blanked out. Until finally they made the decision for me and ordered me to go.

So this excursion cost me one Christmas party I was really looking forward to. But then again, for the rest of the flood victims, it cost them homes, possessions, and lives.

Now I feel bad being here at home, warm and overfed while hundreds of them are out there cold, hungry and hopeless. And what makes it even harder for me was that I saw them, talked to them, and knew some of them.

The things that transpired over the week has just started to take effect on me. I'm suddenly feeling a little depressed over what I witnessed.

I feel terrible for these people (the typhoon victims). And when I got back home yesterday, I saw people go about their lives thinking that their happiness is the only thing that matters. It's selfish, really. And I'm ashamed to admit that I am one of them.

I realized that nothing is permanent in this world. You buy things, and then it's gone. People come, people go. Just like what Job said, "Naked I came out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return..." We should always be prepared for the worst, because you never know when disaster will hit you. Others are given second chances, while others are given only one.

I need to debrief but I don't want to ruin anybody's festive night. It's Christmas time, after all. Everybody's having fun with their family and friends. Me babbling about the stuff I'm feeling right now is just a kill joy. And besides, it's not like anybody's interested anyway.

There's really no one out there willing to listen to me. Yeah, anyone but God. I guess this is how He wants me to spend my Christmas, reflecting and telling Him everything I feel - like a Christmas date. And I think it's a good idea. At this point, nobody would be willing to listen to me but Him and nobody would understand me but Him.

Tonight, I'm going to spend my time writing the stories of the people I encountered and remember them in my prayers.

(I'll tell more of my recent adventures in the coming days.)

Blessed Christmas, everyone!