Think Out Loud

'Hi! I missed you all!'

We didn't miss you.

'I wish you were all there with me.'

Hate to burst your bubble but the real world doesn't work that way.

'I'm blessed not to be part of the _% who weren't fortunate enough.'

You're a hypocrite.

'Glad to see you're having a great time.'

Since when??

'I'm beat! My body's yada, yada, yada...'

Go kill yourself somewhere.

'Do this and that and this and that... Oh! And these too!"

You're not the master, subordinate.

'What seems to be the problem?'

You.

'I just want to encourage you...'

You just discouraged me.

'You're too shallow..."

I think I just heard a voice somewhere deep under the ground.

I just came home from work - home meaning this new dorm I got. Work was the same, as usual. It wasn't as boring as it was the past three days but it still has its many dull moments. I spent the entire day researching new topics for my scripts. I haven't done any scriptwriting yet. I want to finish all the research first before I venture on the writing. But I need to work fast because the quiet days in the office are numbered. People will be back next week and it's going to be, once again, a chaotic environment not suitable for writing. The only time our department office is bearably noisy is when it's just us, the writers, who are there. So, I'll force myself to start working on the scripts tomorrow. Hopefully, I'll be extra inspired to work on it.

It's my second week in the dorm and I think I'm experiencing the symptoms of homesickness. Probably because I got sick. Right now my nose is congested and I have these yucky phlegm stuck in my lungs. But day by day it's getting better. I think I'm actually good in taking care of myself. I have to give myself a pat on the back for that.

Yesterday, I did my laundry. It was my first time in a long time to launder my clothes - and so many, at that. Until now, I can still feel the chemicals sticking into my hands. It makes it a little difficult to write because my fingers are not poised the way it's used to but I know I'll get used to it eventually, since I'll be doing my laundry regularly - every Wednesday. Not that it's fun (chores are not exactly my definition of fun) but because i have no choice and it's one way to pass time.

So far, I'm not faring well on the food. This week was a disaster. My dinner got spoiled (thankfully I didn't eat it. My nose was stuffed so I can't smell the rotten food) and the rice I cooked last week got spoiled too. So, I ended up buying food. But come yesterday, when I ate breakfast at our canteen, I realized that the hotdog I'm eating is not Purefood, or any of the branded hotdogs. It's one of those hotdogs that they sell in the wet market. I remember my mother telling me never to eat hotdogs bought from the wet market because the meat they stuff in there are meat coming from cats, dogs (and I love dogs!), and - get ready for this - rats!

I know, exponential gross!

Eventually, I lost my appetite that I didn't bother finishing the meal. I got so grossed out that I lost my appetite the entire day. Good thing I have colds so I wasn't really in the mood to eat and my gums were also hurting when I chew. My mother told me maybe I was having a Vitamin C deficiency.

I haven't heard of that one yet.

And to make things worse, I have no more money to buy dinner tonight and lunch tomorrow. Now I'm feeling more like a student instead of a professional employee. And the sad part is, I think I spent more money now that I moved closer to the office instead of when I was travelling to and from our home in Laguna.

I don't know how I would solve my monetary issues as of this moment. But in terms of food, I hope I would fare better next week and be able to think of a cheaper way to eat clean food without the need to spend, and waste, too much.

Mikey Bustos you just made my day!

This prophecy was delivered unexpectedly by Cindy Jacobs and extemporaneously last October 27, 2001.

I asked myself that question this morning and I thought I would be able to achieve it, no matter how difficult it may seem. And fortunately, I was right about one thing: it is hard. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to achieve it. Even before work started, complaints started gushing out of my mouth that it was already too late when I realized it. Tsk. No complaining really takes a lot of practice!

It must be an innate thing. Just like when you did something terrible and you run far away from your parents even though they have no idea yet on what you did. You knew you committed something wrong even without people telling you it's a bad thing or people teaching you to do it. You just knew, and you knew you're going to get that end of the stick, or the end of that belt.

But really, complaining is an easy thing to do. Don't you agree? Finding faults in a lot of things is something we humans are very good at doing. I admit I'm one of those people who love criticizing other people's works or other people's abilities. Though there are really some instances wherein it's really bad (honestly), there are still some that sounded more of an insult than a constructive criticism. I'm very guilty of doing that, especially when I'm with friends who have the same personalities and quirks. Oftentimes we make it sound as a joke but in reality, we meant every word of it.

I've been complaining for the past n years of my life and I'm actually starting to get tired, and guilty, of it. When I complain, it's as if I'm indirectly saying to God that I should get the best things in life because I deserve it. Whenever things don't go the way I want it to be, I become bitter and complain. I start ranting how 'life is so unfair' and that I deserve great things in life because I'm good and great.

Yet in reality, I don't really deserve anything. I don't deserve anything good because I've messed up a lot of things in life - like this attitude.

But got one thing right: life really is unfair because if life was fair, I wouldn't be receiving good things in life that I have right now because I'm not really a great or a good person. Yet, more than the good things that came my way, I got a brand new life.

It's called grace. God's undeserved grace given to prideful me simply because He loves me. I shouldn't be blessed yet He is blessing me. I shouldn't be happy yet He always puts this unexplainable joy in my heart everyday.  I should be sickly yet I am healthy. I should be living in the streets yet He gave me a home. I should be rotting in hell yet He saved my soul and I am now alive in Him.

And it's only by grace that God hasn't punished me on my countless complaints about life and work. He always keeps reminding me to trust in Him, remain faithful to Him in everything, carefully obey His commandments, to do everything without complaining and arguing, and obey God with deep reverence and fear. Now part of that obedience is obeying Him when He says 'Stop complaining'.

It's hard. Thankfully, God has a ready to that complaint. He said in Philippians 2:13 (NLT):

I don't have any money at the moment but if granted, I wish to study again. I'm thinking of taking new courses that would broaden my knowledge and use it on things that matter. So here's a shortlist of studies I'm planning to take when I finally have the money:

1. Photography

2. Archeology

3. Journalism


4. History


5. Filmmaking

They say money makes the world go round. Without money, you'll barely survive. But it's also been said that money can't buy you everything... which is true. In this Vanity Magazine article I found on Twitter, I found out that if there is one thing money can't buy, it's culture. And the country of Dubai proves that.

Here's an excerpt of the article Dubai on Empty :

The only way to make sense of Dubai is to never forget that it isn’t real. It’s a fable, a fairy tale, like The Arabian Nights. More correctly, it’s a cautionary tale. Dubai is the story of the three wishes, where, as every kid knows, with the third wish you demand three more wishes. And as every genie knows, more wishes lead to more greed, more misery, more bad credit, and much, much, much more bad taste. Dubai is Las Vegas without the showgirls, the gambling, or Elvis. Dubai is a financial Disneyland without the fun. It’s a holiday resort with the worst climate in the world. It boils. It’s humid. And the constant wind is full of sand. The first thing you see when you arrive is the airport, with its echoing marble halls. It’s big enough to be the hub of a continent. Dubai suffers from gigantism—a national inferiority complex that has to make everything bigger and biggest. This includes their financial crisis.

Outside, in the sodden heat, you pass hundreds and hundreds of regimented palm trees and you wonder who waters them and what with. The skyline, in the dusty haze, looks like the cover of a dystopian science-fiction novella. Clusters of skyscrapers lurch out at the gray desert accompanied by their moribund cranes, propped up with scaffolding, swagged in plastic sheeting. Dubai thought it was going to grow up to be the Arab Singapore—a commercial, banking, and insurance service port on the Gulf with hospitality and footballers’ time-shares, an oasis of R&R for the less well endowed. But it hasn’t quite worked out. The vertical streets of offices are empty. A derelict skyscraper looks exactly the same as one that’s teeming with commerce. They huddle around the current tallest building in the world

Dubai has been built very fast. The plan was money. The architect was money. The designer was money and the builder was money. And if you ever wondered what money would look like if it were left to its own devices, it’s Dubai.

Dubai is the parable of what money makes when it has no purpose but its own multiplication and grandeur. When the culture that holds it is too frail to contain it. Dubai is a place that doesn’t just know the price of everything and the value of nothing but makes everything worthless. The answer to everything in Dubai is money. In the darkness of the hot night, the motorways roar with Ferraris and Porsches and Lamborghinis; the fat boys are befuddled and stupefied by sports cars they race around on nowhere roads, going nowhere. Taxi drivers of their ambitionless, all-consuming entitlement. Shortchanged by being given everything. Cursed with money.

i know this is extremely pointless, but i refuse to believe that Thia Megia is better than Charice. they both have different singing styles. while Charice belts out like Whitney, Thia is more like Lea Salonga. While Charice battles it out with her powerful pipes, Thia is more Disney - you know, everyone singing what you can sing.



i'm not thrilled with this season's American Idol but i'm glad to know another Filipino made it into the top 13. it's been a long time and it's time to show them what Filipinos are made of. but honestly, comparing singers on who's better that have the same blood and race is sick. people should stop doing that and just support the both of them. or maria aragon as well, if you want to shove her into the picture.

My boss will be heading to Japan for a joint medical emergency aid with Operation Blessing International. It's like Ache all over again, complete with the aftershocks and people in terrible distress. I wonder if OBI needs writers and photographers there... Cover survival stories and show how much help is needed...

There was a time when I was in sixth grade that I drove a lot of my classmates almost on the edge with my simple naughtiness. Now don't get me wrong. I was a well-behaved kid back then and never got into silly cat fights. But there was this time when I could not help but be naughty with my classmates even though i knew it's not a good thing to do. Here's what I did: whenever someone asks a question to someone, i answer it.

That got them peeved big time, especially the girls. But they never really told me about it straight on. Coward, maybe? They just made parinig. Whenever a certain someone would answer the question, they would reply with, "I know you're not asking me but the answer to your question is..."

Man, deep inside i was rolling on the floor laughing.

Even though I knew that lame attack was intended for me, they didn't know how funny i thought they were. But along the way, I got bored doing it so I stopped. But until now, I still get a good laugh whenever I remember it. People are so easy to peeve, annoy, and irritate. No wonder the devil uses these tactics to make people's lives miserable. And just like what I felt back then, he gets a good laugh whenever we fall into his 'naughty' trap.

Now that I think about it, that was devilish thing I did back then, don't you think?

one thing about working in a humanitarian organization that specializes on emergency aid is that when disasters strike, you become so overly aware about it. you become so engrossed to take in even the smallest details that you never took seriously before. it makes you feel a bit panicked in a way but, ironically, should be the last thing you should feel. responding to emergencies like natural disasters is like being a catalyst of peace in the midst of the storm, oftentimes taken literally.

the devastating tsunami in Japan is horrifying. i am really praying that such devastation of properties, especially of lives, wouldn't happen here in the Philippines. responding to disaster emergencies is not really an easy thing to deal with even if you memorize every procedure like the back of your hands. it involves lost lives, orphaned children, discouraged hearts, devastated minds, and terrorized souls. losing a loved one over a natural disaster is never an easy thing to accept.

now i'm keeping myself glued on the news about the oncoming tsunami - something i've never really done before. i used to be one of those people who believe that media reporters tend to exaggerate a lot and their reports should not be taken seriously. but over the years, i realized that overpreparedness never hurt. in fact, it saved a lot of lives.

i'm relaying the information i could get from the news and from the people i hear talking on the streets to our emergency aid coordinator. she'll probably be awake all night to stay vigil. it's not going to be easy for her and for everyone of us because we just had a rough day at work (something very unfortunate happened) and now, we are being bombarded left and right with tons of responsibilities we could not afford to ignore. and talk about perfect timing. our massive medical mission in Cebu and Bohol happens to commence on monday and it will last for two whole weeks. good thing time is in God's hands, not on situations.

i hope all of us wake up tomorrow morning with a load of good news.

One of the things I wish to fulfill now that I'm living near my workplace is to improve on my blog. Since the beginning of time, I'm putting up nothing but nonsense here, lol. Now I don't want to be known as a nonsense person even if I do tend to rant about nonsense things (that's why it's called a rant). But anyhow, I do plan on updating my blog often with sensible entries so that I would be encouraged to think sensibly.

Now, how do I start thinking sensibly?

It's my first night here in my new rented room in Pasig. What a relief. No more scurrying with commuters. No more increasingly long walks. No more standing for 2 hours in the bus. More importantly, no more waking up early in the morning. I am so not a morning person.

I hope my stay in this place would be well, peaceful, and beneficial that when I look back I could say it was one of the best decisions I've made in my life.

This morning, I woke up with a horrifying thought.

I'd be 25 in two years and then I'll be 30 five years after that. And sometime before thirty or after thirty, I might get married. The thought chilled me. No more single "freedom", single "independence", and singles night out. But my fears were assuaged when my rationality returned and was reminded that in marriage, there's love. (Thank God for love.) So I'm not going to get married with someone I don't love and someone who doesn't love me.

That's a relief.

I don't know what came into me for getting scared of the idea of being married! LOL. I guess all this love talk at church (and for 40 days at that!) has rubbed in on me really hard.