You have been looking forward for this trip in months. You have arranged your schedule, finished what you had to finish, and prepared yourself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. And then, just a couple of weeks before the anticipated trip, they suddenly broke out the news to you:

You've been cut off from the trip.

Suddenly, you're pre-arranged schedule becomes useless, your sleepless nights becomes meaningless, and the preparations you made on yourself becomes pointless. In the end, all you were left with is a crashing wave of disappointment.

It happened just a few weeks ago. Til now, I'm reeling in fool's paradise. Yes, it was terribly upsetting because it was unexpected (and for some reason a bit unfair), but more than that, I had great hopes for this trip because it lands on my birthday. I thought I was finally going to have a different birthday this year. Unfortunately, it was not how things worked out.

So the pre-birthday festive mood I usually feel a week before my big day has drained out completely. I'm even starting to dread the day of my birthday because it's only going to remind me of of what I should be doing and where I should be. I honestly don't feel like spending my birthday with anyone because I know I wouldn't be okay. So, I just want to spend it like any other day. I know it may look like I'm wallowing in pain and self-pity but there are times when you just feel like being a masochist because things brought a deep pang in your heart.

But don't get me wrong. I still force myself to find something positive from this really disappointing situation. I learned that if God doesn't want you to go somewhere, you really wouldn't be able to go no matter how many ties you have and how many strings you pull.