Think Out Loud

On the bright side, things are doing good for me on the "Book Department". Out of the 6 books I listed on my previous entry, I already have 4: Daddy Long Legs, The Confession, The Screwtape Letters, and I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Thanks to e-books, I was able to grab free copies without the stress of darting from one bookstore to another. Also, I was able to save a huge amount of money because the Lord knows how much I'm broke. Thankfully, salary will be released within the week (i hope).

Now, it's time to hit the "books".

:-)

Today was the gloomiest and dullest weather to date. According to the weather station, there's a typhoon somewhere in the island. The sun never got a chance to take a peek. Mr. Cumulus Cloud was really dominating today.

But unlike the school kids who enjoyed a day off due to the sudden suspension of classes, we didn't receive the same incentive. (Our violent reaction would always be, "Why? Are kids the only ones who get wet when it rains??"). Thanks to the weather, I was really drowsy and sleepy the whole morning so I took matters into my own hands. I ate a heavy brunch and then I took a LONG nap during lunch. And quite surprisingly, it seemed to do the trick. After 30 minutes, I woke up feeling a tad refreshed and rejuvenated. As a result, I was able to work on one script, though I wasn't able to finish it.

Speaking of scripts, this week I get another break from STL. Sometimes I wish it would remain that way. Radio scriptwriting is really stressing me out in ways that I'm starting to dread it. Honestly, I never liked radio. So directly working for this media right now is very ironic. I'm starting to regret taking those radio courses.

Last night, when I was doing overtime, I had a brief chat with a co-worker (who happens to be the manager of another department). Looking over the manuals I laid out for an activity this week, she insisted that designing communication materials is my specialty, which I vehemently denied. In all honesty, I know nothing about the creative technicalities of graphic designing, and the very little and basic I know are just a product of forced trial and error. I didn't bother to mention that I COULDN'T draw, even though that would give her a clear picture of my dilemma. In fact, in the spiffing world of graphic designers, I would be considered as a neophyte, on the most bottom part of the "graphic designers' food chain".

To give proof to my unpretentious claims, the manager of the communications department of our sister company commented on a bookmark I recently designed, "I don't like it." In other words, it doesn't look good, it doesn't work, and it's sloppy. It's probably took a lot of self-control on his part not to say (or maybe he did say it and my boss just cushioned his comments by deciding not to mention it), "What gives you ANY right to DESIGN communication materials for events as big as THIS??"

Quite honestly, he could be right on some aspects. After all, I am just a neophyte in the bottom of the food chain. But on ordinary days, I wouldn't be given that job. The only reason I took it (when it was given to me) was because they kept on complaining every time we ask for designs. Since I do know a little about the technology, who am I to say "No" to the company I've pledged my loyalty to? So sometimes, work could get a bit overwhelming and confusing when it comes to the power showdown.

Moving on, I admitted to my co-worker that my first (real) love is feature writing. She looked genuinely surprised at my claim and she played the "what-college-course-did-you-graduate-from" game on me. And she's right. Feature writing isn't really part of the loop but that didn't mean I lost my connection to it. I'm usually the freestyle writer who doesn't want to be bounded by technicalities of required writing styles. That is why I created this blog, to free myself from the shackles of structured writing I deal with 8 hours a day. That is also why too much of scriptwriting bores me to death (to the point where I want to vomit it). At first, I thought the struggles where a spiritual thing, but eventually, I found out that it's just a simple case of interest. In other words, I'm losing interest in making medical scripts (even though I do learn a great deal about health and common sickness. But still...) because I'm not a doctor and it requires an overwhelming amount of research. My officemates (and even my boss!) are teasing me that a little more of this and I'll be found in med school. Oh please. That doesn't even flatter me one bit.

So here I am again, dedicating a third of my entry to sulking and complaining. But with all due respect, I am learning a lot about myself, of what I want to do and what I don't want to do in life - like making tremendous amounts of radio scripts in a month.

Books I hope to read before 2011 ends:

1. The Twelfth Imam by Joel Rosenberg

2. The Confession by John Grisham


3. Pacific Rims by Rafe Bartholomew


4. The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis


5. My Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster (where can I find this book?!?)



6. I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris (just because I'm probably the only Christian young adult in the world who hasn't read this)

What would life be if we are allowed to chase our dreams and be who we want to be? Would we be happy or will life be the same - full of challenges and crossroads?

I'm slowly inching my way back to blogging after weeks of being AWOL. I'm experiencing a serious case of writer's block, not just in blogging but in writing as a whole. And it is so not cool, especially when your best (and only) capital is writing.

I am so uninspired. My mind is like an inflated balloon that popped, ricocheting like crazy. My enthusiasm is going down the drain. Expressing thoughts is becoming really hard. I'm not sure why this is happening but I guess stuff like these are bound to happen when you're being pressed on all sides with issues and, yes, problems.

Things have been pretty rough lately. I never really expected it to affect me like this - with a massive writer's block. So just a while ago, prior to this entry, I decided to battle it out with writing again. Maybe it would cure me  of my "depressed writer's syndrome".

(If you find it too unbelievable, yes, I'm a writer by profession. I find it hard to believe too, haha.)

Maybe I just need a change of scenery. But taking a leave off work might not do the trick because by the time I return, my stack of work would be 100x more than what I left it. I thought of quitting my job, but then where will I go? By the time my inspiration's back and my enthusiasm reached the normal level, I wouldn't have any place to source it through. And later on, I would just regret quitting my job because I did it compulsively.

Sigh. I think I need that Castle DVD right now.

A little bit of mind churning and a little bit of action might just do the trick.