I wonder when I'll be comfortable telling my story to other people.

I'm not really good at talking about myself. In fact, the only place I do so is here, in my blog. And I'm not sure why I'm hesitant sharing my stories to people who are not even strangers to me. I mean yeah, I talk a lot sometimes and I share stories that are usually funny, but it never centered around my feelings. I've not even had a heart to heart talk with anyone in a long time. I'm just not a fan, especially when I'm the subject of that 'talk'.

I guess I just got so used telling the stories of other people that bringing my story up front has become uncomfortable and a bit pointless. I mentioned before that I get bored easily, so maybe I get bored with my story because I know all about it, even if other people do not, and started to get lazy to go over the details and explain them to other people. I'm pretty impatient too, may that's why. One of the reasons also could be that I don't want sensitive areas to be touched. I don't have a clear idea what those sensitive areas are. Maybe I'm trying to avoid finding out. I don't like awkward moments, and I don't like spilling my guts out. I don't like crying either and maybe I don't want showing vulnerability and stupidity over things so petty. (What I do like is laughing about my bloopers and stupidity that were once embarrassing nightmares.)

Or maybe it's the lack of stories to tell. Whenever I meet with my long lost friends, it has always been about them. It's more interesting listening to other people's stories than listening to myself gush, or complain, about my own. I guess it's all those trainings I got in school, where we were taught how to formulate interview questions and listen to people's answers. I'm used to pointing the barrel and firing away questions because majority of people actually like talking about themselves. I'm rarely at the end point of that barrel - only those times when I had my series of job interviews. It's nice to show people that you're interested in their stories, not make them interested on your own. I mean, who would want to listen to someone talking about themselves? Unless you're asking the questions and is actually interested.

So that's why Fridays have always been a struggle for me. Every Friday, we have our weekly "Basket of Blessing' day wherein we share to our co-department staff the things/situations we want to thank God for that happened the whole week. Now, there's no problem listening to their stories. Their stories are always funny and interesting. The issue starts when it's my turn telling the story. Not that I have nothing to thank God for. It's just that the moment I start sharing, my mind suddenly goes haywire. It becomes so cluttered. I stutter and I end up starting and finishing so fast. The details are all botched up. So I never give justice to my very own stories. What makes it worse is that I never have any issues like that when I'm telling other people's stories.

Hopefully, our family activity on Monday will be a fun-filled event that would be worth sharing on Friday - if we'll have the 'Basket of Blessing' day. And I hope that when I tell the story, I wouldn't stutter or mess up the details. Nothing wrong with short sharing, as long as it's clear, succinct and interesting. And I hope that week after week, I'll have more and more great personal stories to tell.