godly character is simply a hard thing to do.

i won't lie to myself. or to God. i know what's running in my mind every millisecond and i know what my heart is lusting for every minute.

ideals. materials. opinions. situations.

and i know every lie i utter. well, okay, perhaps not everything but a majority of it.

telling myself i'm godly is one of those.

"blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."

i'm a Christian, yet i still have the capacity to be wicked. there are just so many distractions that it's getting harder and harder to say No.

yes, i AM poor in spirit. a rag, i am.

yet i don't know if this rag would cut it to the Kingdom of Heaven.

why does life have to be an utter mess of confusions and failures?

but i know in the end, it will boil down to only one thing:

I AM NOTHING.