Think Out Loud

Sometimes, guys can be extremely insensitive - especially when they are courting someone.

Gal friend is in town and we have bunch of activities planned for the next couple of weeks. In fact, we were planning on having an ice cream night out today and have a long delayed girl talk. Unfortunately, insensitive lovestruck guy had to ruin the plans. I was only gone for a few minutes to take a phone call and when I come back, gal friend is already leaving to have a date with him.

Insensitive jerk I want to pull his hair off.

But since I have no power over lovestruck individuals (actually I do but I'm too nice to play my cards on them), I  just shrugged it off and let them go. Well okay, not exactly shrugged off as in the I-don't-care-do-what-you-want kind of way. I just didn't let them go that easily.

Here's the point. I understand that they're in the stage of gauging a love and long-distance relationship and I'm sure they missed each other's presence. But that doesn't mean that lovestruck guy can have gal friend all to himself for the whole two weeks. She has friends too and we all miss her. They said they don't want to alienate other people with their "budding" relationship but what's so non-alienating about this?

It's a little annoying. I was invited me to come (probably was forced to, I'm sure) but sometimes you just have to learn to accept the facts and say no. At least I don't have to witness the gooey-doe-eyed creepiness lovestruck people do. And I know I'm sounding extremely unromantic but you should also know when to stay out of other people's date life (and I mean physically) even when you're friends with them, because sometimes seeing them suddenly sugaring is creepy. It's like a friend asking you if your older brother is hot. Ew.

I'm annoyed but I'm not mad. I just hope lovestruck guy realizes this because I know gal friend does, but she just can't say no. Probably promised him she would join him everyday. But I hope she told me sooner that they would be out everyday of the week or when guy makes spontaneous arrangements which is happening almost every night so that I wouldn't expect her company.

So I guess my social life for the next two weeks wouldn't be so alive after all. At least I get to save money.

>:-)

I'm blogging using my new phone. I downloaded this blogger app and i want to see how it works.

I know i owe you tons of blog entries but i'm just extremely busy. I hope i'll have some time out to gather and organize my thoughts and put it into writing.

But you know what, I'm actually at work now so i gotta go. Later!

I have a confession to make: I AM A GIRLY-GIRL.

Well okay, sometimes. Most of my friends may not believe this but there are times when I like girly stuff, like fashion. Sometimes I daydream wearing fashionable clothes instead of the drab ones I usually wear at work. Or wear stilettos instead of dirty sneakers; fashionable blouses (complete with the accessories) instead of the plain t-shirts; and stylish pants or cute skirts instead of faded, worn out jeans.

Then there's my short, lifeless hair that grows out too fast. Sometimes I want to curl it or straighten it.

And of course, there's the make-up that I hardly ever wear. Sometimes I wonder what I would look like if I put eyeliners, eye shadows, and mascara.

In short, I want to be at least presentable when I go out into the world. Every Monday, I step into a building where almost all people look like they stepped out of a magazine. Every Tuesday to Thursday, people look decently dressed in their semi-business attires. Every Friday, people show off their fashionable individuality. And every Sunday, I hang out with 3 of the best dressed people in church.

And what do I look like? Take Sunday, for example. None of my clothes match and I always lug around a huge backpack. On work days, I wear jeans, blouse, doll shoes, and a backpack. Yes, I bring backpack to work. I look more like a student than a working person. No wonder some people don't take me seriously.

Once, I tried working to express my inner girly-girl. I started with the hair, then the clothes, picked the right shoes, and finally applied the cheap make-up (minus the eye make-ups).

For a few months, I was able to maintain it. But after a while, I got tired of it.

It's always like that. I would start working my way to becoming a presentable citizen of the working class when I'll once again return to my drab ways. I would simply get tired of pampering myself.

In spite of my inner girly-girl, my simplicity in fashion still dominates. Or perhaps it's laziness. Out of our Sunday group, I'm the most raggedly-looking one. Even when we ate at this high-end hotel-restaurant last Christmas, I came wearing a white t-shirt, cargo pants and hideous sneakers. The hotel staff probably thought I was an alalay of one of my friends.

Ha, I looked so simple.

Out of all the women living in the world right now, I'm probably the only who doesn't have morning and evening rituals. I'm so weird. HAHA.

There may be a girly-girl side of me but the real me is would ought for comfort.

But it's still fun to daydream about being glamorous once in a while.

I just had the WORK TALK with my roommates and I realized I am a totally normal human being.

Don't patronize me. I may look like I have a very busy and interesting work life but there's always a time when I'm dead bored at work. Like now. When I feel like the fire of passion has been snuffed out. I end up doing crazy and bad things like not working.

In spite of working in the same company for almost 3 years, I feel like I've been bouncing from one job to another because of the series of positions I had. Once I was an executive assistant, then did some resource-related work, then wrote for radio, did feature writing, and now... still writing. But why do I have the feeling this year will be different again? (although I hope they'll put me out on the field more with the camera and recorder at hand. That will be a very good "different" I'll gladly welcome with open arms)

But seriously, my work future is as foggy as Baguio's worst fogs. Regardless of my thoughts and feelings, I honestly don't know what's going to happen to me this year. I don't know "the" plan. I may be kicked out, be assigned to do other tasks, be forced me to resign, or be a floating employee.

I guess the worst thing that could happen to me is to be cut out from travel sprees. This coming year, they plan on hiring additional writers, contracting freelance writers, and hiring employees that would do the social media stuff so I'm kinda wondering where that would leave me.

I have been putting off these thoughts for a long time now because I believed it simply wasn't normal to feel this way about a job. But after a talk with my roommates who are experiencing the same things as I do (and do worse things like playing games or going to the mall during office hours, lol), I realized that I'm normal. People also undergo this stage at some point in their lives. No job is perfect. Every job will always have its limitations. The best I can do is to train myself to be thankful always and be sensitive to God's voice to find out when its time to level up and move on.

But as of the moment...

I think I've been stuck in the office chair for so long that I need to go out and explore. I need a breath of fresh air. I need a change of view. I need sunlight. I need to sniff new stories.

I need to search for new stories. And eventually search for my life.

FINALLY! A breathing time. I know this is a little late (very late), but i still want to share here in my blog my memorable experiences last 2011.

Truly, 2011 was a year beyond measure. God blessed me with tons of surprises and granted many of my heart's desires. Even just a few weeks before the year ended, God had been gracious. I want to share how He showed me His love and faithfulness to me for the whole year.

JANUARY
1. I had the opportunity to witness a beautiful reunion between a father and daughter who hadn't seen each other for years. The daughter, Erica, was just a baby when her father was sent to jail and sentenced for life.

When asked for her Christmas wish, Erica wished to see her father again. You see, Erica was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Given her condition, she might not see her father again.

So our friends from FEBC arranged for Erica to meet her father at the New Bilibid Prison in Muntinlupa City and we helped. We picker her up at Child Haus where she was recovering and her excitement was very evident and infectious. According to her aunt and grandmother, the child is a daddy's girl. And it was even more stimulated when her mother left her and her twin sister for another man when her father was jailed. Talk about too much drama for an 11 year old.

Finally, they met. I struggled fighting back tears because their reunion was very beautiful. Erica didn't show even an ounce of awkwardness while in the presence of her father. In fact, she didn't waste any opportunity to hug him, kiss him, and make lambing to him. She knew their time together was limited. In spite of her young age, she knew how to make use of this golden time.

The reunion between the father and Erica's grandmother almost made me cry too. It was a mixture of emotions: happiness, relief and sadness. Happiness because finally, a mother got to see her son after more than 11 years. Relief because her son is safe, and we all know what prisons are like. Criminals kill each other - that sort of thing. And sadness because she can't stay with him and he can't leave with them. It would probably take more than a decade before they once again see each other.

Going home was probably the most dreaded part of that day. Father and daughter cried. Mother and son hugged each other tight. Just reliving it makes me remember the painful parting this family had to endure. But they were glad that even for just a short while, they were able to see and hug each other.

I told Erica that I have an ever present father I want to share to her. When I told her about Jesus, she smiled and gladly accepted my "offer".

2. A few weeks after that momentous day, my uncle bumped into my father at the mall. Too bad I didn't see him even though I was only a few stores away. Or maybe it's a good thing I didn't. But nonetheless, I'm glad to know he's alive and okay. Although, that day with Erica and her father made me wonder when I'll have a beautiful reunion with my father.

FEBRUARY
This was the month when I experienced my first ever Volunteers' Rally event. This was particularly special for our department because it was the first and last event where we were complete.

We had fun designing our booth. I almost didn't sleep doing that. But it was worth it. People who visited our booth found our pictures funny and interesting.

Preparing for this event was the best part. We had great laughs.

I miss it.

MARCH
My first time to live thousands of kilometers away from home! Finally I found a dorm and has been living by myself for majority of the month. Unlike most people, I didn't really experience homesickness because my home is just 2-3 hours away. Being too dramatic about it would be a little stupid. Plus, I really wanted to know how I would fare living out of my cocoon. And so far, I ended up gaining about 5 kilos. This year, that has to go down.

APRIL
1. My first television stint! My boss was interviewed on this talk show aired on cable and the producers gave us the freedom to run the episode. So I had to make a list of questions, answers - basically, I had to write a script and sort-of- produce that specific episode (without doing the actual production). For a first timer, I think it was handled pretty well. I mean, I didn't mess up big time but it wasn't perfect either.

2. I was employee of the month! (Our boss said I was building my own department, a one-(wo)man department. Haha.)

MAY
The month my travel-writing career kicked off. For my first assignment, I flew to Aklan and Antique to cover various stories there. Three things to describe it:

1. Road trip;
2. Great team work; and
3. Boracay for free!

For more of my Aklan-Antique trip, you can read more about it here and here.

JUNE
1. I finished making that dreaded script about Father-and-Child Relationship. I had a HARD time writing it that I thought it would never end. Nothing was popping in my head (get a glimpse of my dilemma here).

But according to the line producer, the episode garnered a good amount of feedback. The discussion, according to him, was "meaty".

Thank God. Glory to Him!

2. They say "Problems are hidden treasures."

True enough, I discovered the treasure of God's unwavering love and the treasure of true friendship.

JULY
1. Volunteers rally part 2, but this time with photographers.

2. I don't remember any more magnanimous event during this month but I'm sure it has a lot to do with friends. It was a carry over of my "situation" last month. I feel blessed to have such awesome friends!


AUGUST
1. After a two-month travel hiatus, I was once again back in the game. I started with Valenzuela, then covered a story in Pangasinan and spent a day with Muslim kids in Payatas.

2. In Pangasinan, I met and talked to a 95 year old grandmother!

SEPTEMBER
1. My birth month! I officially turned 23.

2. Antique part 2. I went back to Antique to cover a livelihood story. Once again, I saw the mysterious black sand beach and beautiful Antique sights.

3. Boracay part 2. Who said you need thousands of pesos to reach Boracay? I only had P500 when I went there and I had a blast! Once again, I got a henna tattoo, this time with Angel.

OCTOBER
I had the most unexpected travel adventure of my life - Aurora!

Originally, I wasn't planning on covering stories there but God allowed me to see the amazingly breathtaking beauty of Aurora and meet Dumagat tribesmen. Plus, for the first time I experienced 16 hours of extremely intense travel!

God has been really gracious and amazing to me. Aurora wasn't even a desire of my heart yet He allowed me to be there. I wondered what I did to deserve that blessing and He simply told me:

"It's not about what you did. It's about who I am."

NOVEMBER
1. So the year is about to end and I've been to Luzon and Visayas. Then I realized I haven't been to Mindanao this year so I asked God if He would allow me to travel to Mindanao before the year ended - and He did. I was able to go to Agusan del Norte.

In Agusan I met new friends, learned more about the Bisaya dialect, met another tribal group - the Mamanwas, heard the touching story of a father's love, and got to see the famous Lake Mainit. The experience was made complete with military escorts and floating NPA presence. Thank God for the protection!

2. After a week in Agusan del Norte, I went on a road trip to Davao City. There, friends and I spent the night in Samal Island and I was able to fulfill a promise I made to myself - return to Jack's Ridge.

God is good!

DECEMBER
It didn't end in Agusan del Norte and Davao City. Just a few weeks after my Mindanao stint, I found myself back in Mindanao, specifically in Cagayan de Oro City and Iligan City. I was sent there to cover the disaster relief operations we were having. For the first time, I was exposed in a fresh disaster area. The moment I got off the plane, the whole city was reeking with death. Anyway, I was able to hear stories of survival and compassion.

I felt like a CNN reporter. To make things even better, I got to experience being JC for 2 days. LOL

It was there when I realized that God isn't finished with me yet. This 2012, there will be more to come. More places to visit, more people to meet, and more stories to write.

Year 2011 was certainly a year beyond measure!

Excited for what's coming in year 2012!

I can't believe I'll be saying this, but I can't wait to get back to the office. The past two weeks was anything but a vacation.

Nobody could really blame any one for the disaster that happened a few days before Christmas. It's not like any one could have stopped mother nature from unleashing her fury for the sake of holidays. In fact, flood victims were most definitely not expecting a Christmas stained with tragedy and trauma.

But it did happen.

Ever since the news broke out that people in Mindanao need help, our cellphones were buzzing with calls and text messages 24/7. Almost everyone was having a working vacation.

It didn't sit well for me, to be honest. I have been really looking forward to this 2-week vacation because we were living our lives in constant pressure for the past 4 months. I won't deny that I'm close to being burned out and I desperately need to refuel. The idea of informally working during these couple of weeks was simply draining.

We need a break. I need a break where I can forget about work for a while, clear my head, and stretch my muscles.

But apparently, this simple wish was not possible. Not when thousands of people in Mindanao needs help.

So now, I find myself itching to go back to work. Not that I'm exactly thrilled or anything. I still need my needed rest. But as long as this relief operation is ongoing, I know I wouldn't be able to have that. And I feel that if I'm back in the office, I would be able to work more efficiently because I'll have everything I need there: the fast internet connection, postpaid cellphone lines, unlimited ink printer, computers, and people.

What a great blog entry to start off my 2012.

I simply want to turn off the internet and stay disconnected from the rest of the world for at least tonight.

But before that, I want to unload some things that has been weighing on my mind the past couple of days.

Usually, during pre-Christmas, it's all about the parties, gifts, reunions - the fun stuff. And the worst that could happen were stress-related work that somehow ruins the festive mood like a kill joy. But after a few days, it gets better. Then finally, I get to savor the most awaited vacation of the year.

But this year, one order broke the normalcy of my life. The interrogative: You're going to Cagayan de Oro City.

While Christmas was usually all fun and joy, this time I got to witness something so depressing. The beautifully-wrapped gifts were replaced with relief bags; reunions in restaurants were replaced with reunions in evacuation centers; and fun parties were replaced with search parties.

I wasn't expecting to spend my pre-Christmas in a disaster-stricken place.

Honestly, I was unwilling to go. In fact, the idea of being sent to CDO didn't even cross my mind. I knew the people in Davao are taking charge and there is already someone there for the job. So when I was asked 3 times if I wanted to go, I totally blanked out. Until finally they made the decision for me and ordered me to go.

So this excursion cost me one Christmas party I was really looking forward to. But then again, for the rest of the flood victims, it cost them homes, possessions, and lives.

Now I feel bad being here at home, warm and overfed while hundreds of them are out there cold, hungry and hopeless. And what makes it even harder for me was that I saw them, talked to them, and knew some of them.

The things that transpired over the week has just started to take effect on me. I'm suddenly feeling a little depressed over what I witnessed.

I feel terrible for these people (the typhoon victims). And when I got back home yesterday, I saw people go about their lives thinking that their happiness is the only thing that matters. It's selfish, really. And I'm ashamed to admit that I am one of them.

I realized that nothing is permanent in this world. You buy things, and then it's gone. People come, people go. Just like what Job said, "Naked I came out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return..." We should always be prepared for the worst, because you never know when disaster will hit you. Others are given second chances, while others are given only one.

I need to debrief but I don't want to ruin anybody's festive night. It's Christmas time, after all. Everybody's having fun with their family and friends. Me babbling about the stuff I'm feeling right now is just a kill joy. And besides, it's not like anybody's interested anyway.

There's really no one out there willing to listen to me. Yeah, anyone but God. I guess this is how He wants me to spend my Christmas, reflecting and telling Him everything I feel - like a Christmas date. And I think it's a good idea. At this point, nobody would be willing to listen to me but Him and nobody would understand me but Him.

Tonight, I'm going to spend my time writing the stories of the people I encountered and remember them in my prayers.

(I'll tell more of my recent adventures in the coming days.)

Blessed Christmas, everyone!