Think Out Loud

I have a certain dislike for drama and romance novels. Oftentimes it is melancholic, tragic, depressing or just plain boring. But thanks to a mistaken assumption (it's a David Baldacci book for crying out loud!), I ended up reading One Summer. I thought it was a thriller so I read further on, waiting for the part where the killer would spring out, or for the conspiracy angle to be thrown in. Apparently, this was a romance and drama. So it came as a real shocker to me when I realised that I've reached 50% of the book. I even became teary-eyed at some points. I was gripped by the story that I ended up finishing it in one day. That's a record in the drama-romance department for me. It often takes me months, and most of the time I don't finish it. So yay to me! And boo for I wasn't able to have any thesis work done for today (or for the past few days, to be precise. 😅). 

My mind is swirling with information.

I just came from a meeting with my research supervisor. Unlike the first one we had 2 weeks ago, she had lots of inputs this time around. On our first meeting, she didn't really say much. And it was a very quick meeting too. I think we were both still reeling from the sudden change of events. For the last three months up until the last week of February, we weren't supposed to be working together because I was assigned to a different supervisor. But due to some department restructuring that I didn't bother to ask or understand, I was reassigned to another.

I admit that was a bit of a bummer. I already have good rapport with my supposed supervisor. She was my professor on three papers last year and she helped me develop my research proposal. Plus, she is an expert on my topic.

But my new supervisor isn't so bad either. In fact, she is one of the best. I know a lot of my colleagues wanted her as a supervisor because they are assured they will be able to produce high quality researches. And while her background is anthropology, she's bringing a new perspective on my human rights research topic.

Which brings me to my floating frame of mind right now. She was finally able to look into my research so she was ready to tackle it and give her expert opinions. She suggested a lot of things, mostly literature, to ground my topic. And I'm starting to feel that my simple research topic has started to grow tentacles. After the meeting, I literally had to sit down first to process everything we've talked about.

So in summary, here's what I need to do:

1. Read.
2. Write.
3. Think.

So in one sudden motion, I'm plunged back to reality. From all the reading I needed to to, a thousand stack of papers suddenly fell from the sky and crashed all around me. But I'm not complaining. It's about time I get back on track and start doing real research work.

i miss home. but i'm also starting to like it here. sometimes i want to go home for a short visit but 2 years is flying by so fast. i'm feeling torn. but I guess that's normal. it's cold here right now. it's winter but there's no snow. my sinuses and ears hurt whenever i go outside because of the chill. imagine tsca studio temperature times 5 with matching breeze. sometimes strong wind. i never knew i could stand that temperature. sometimes i feel like a walking icicle. i've never experienced autumn or winter before so in spite of the freezing weather, i push myself to go out and savor it, even for just a few minutes. a few Saturdays ago, I went to the park to take pictures. i couldn't hold the camera right because my hands were shaking from the chill - and I haven't held a camera for some time. a month, i think. i'm a bit frustrated with the photos i'm taking. hopefully, i'll get more practice in the weeks ahead.

sem break is slow and dull and a bit of a bummer because of this exam i'm waiting which is scheduled next week. i couldn't do an all-out rest because i'm doing a bit of studying here and there. (and it's not helping uplift my spirits that the exam is on the subject i'm starting to regret taking. the professor was immensely terrible. i learned a lot from my readings and researches, and not anything from him.)

but in spite of that, i hope my break will get better after the exam. i hope i would be able to do some travelling.

chao for now.

I feel really good today! I enjoyed our life group lesson. We watched a video of Joseph Prince’s preaching at the Hillsong Conference last year and we learned more about the law and grace. The message was a good reminder for me because I feel that ever since I arrived here in Auckland, I've been pushing myself too hard into accomplishing the goals that I have. I forgot that it’s not by my strength that it’s going to be accomplished, but by the strength, leading and grace of God.

I also had a great bonding time with the group (which is the purpose of this entry). We divided into small groups and shared what we’ve learned from the message. I missed having this kind of conversations so I feel really refreshed and inspired. And we prayed for one another. It’s been a long time since someone last prayed for me (face-to-face) specifically about my concerns. I’ve been really stressed out with school the past few weeks, with my tons of readings and demanding assignments. Since the semester started, I’ve been doing all-nighters that I feel like I’m sleepwalking around the campus everyday. But after being prayed for, I felt the burdens of school work slightly lifted off my shoulders. It was such a relief!

After the Bible study, we ate fooooood! Kristy, one of the girls, baked some tasty brownies (which I think is mixed with healthy ingredients because she’s an aspiring dietician). Linley, another girl, brought feijoa fruits. I had no idea that such a fruit existed (apparently, it’s a fruit that grows here in New Zealand) but it tastes really good! It’s sweet and it looks like something you would mix in vodka. And another guy (his name is difficult to remember but he’s Indian) brought a couple of pizzas.

While eating, I played the piano! Jin Wei (our leader) got this new organ and Linley kinda pushed me to play. My playing has gone really rusty now but I’m glad my fingers were reunited with the white and black keys again. I played As the Deer and One Desire, while Jin Wei played the guitar. I have never played the piano with another instrument before so it was a new experience. My musical world has been left in a standstill for a long time now that everything has become rusty. Even my voice is not faring very well, LOL.

Since we are an Asian group (majority are Malaysians but there’s also a Korean, an Indian, a Chinese, and of course, Filipinos), we ended the night learning some Korean, Malay, Indian and Filipino words.
Even though there were only 7 of us out of the 15 who were supposed to arrive, I  had a really great time. Living in a city far away from home without my family and friends around gets kinda lonely and boring. But God has answered my prayer and brought me to this group that I’m starting to get comfortable with. (They’re pretty active too, which I’m glad to know.) I hope (and pray) that we'll be good friends (like the borther-sister relationships I have back home) and that I’ll learn more about the Lord with them. I thank God for their lives and I hope I’ll have more friends here in New Zealand.

Conversation #1:

In phone speaker:

Me: Melanie! Natanggap mo yung bayad ko sayo?

Ate Reyna: Natanggap mo daw ba yung bayad ni Gek?

Melanie: Oo, natanggap ko.

Ate Reyna (to me): Natanggap daw.

Me: Nabasa niya yung letter?

Ate Reyna (to Melanie): Yung letter daw nabasa mo?

Melanie: Oo nabasa ko.

Ate Reyna (to me): Oo daw.

Melanie: Ayaw ko mag-emote.

Me: Ano daw?

Ate Mayla: Ayaw daw niya mag-emote.

Me: Awww..... (looks at Kuya Ben and whispers)  Ano nga ba ulit sabi ko sa sulat na yon?

#nalimutan ang emoterang sulat



Conversation #2:

Kuya Ben kausap ang naghihingalo at nagha-hang na Toshiba laptop:

Kuya Ben: Kapag hindi ka pa umayos, pagpapalit kita sa katabi mong Lenovo (hot pink laptop). Sige ka... Isa... Dalawa...

Laptop (me): "Tatlo!"

Kuya Ben: Ayaaay! I'm flabbergasted!

Conversation #1:

Me: Fighter ba ako? As in yung may fighting spirit?

Kuya Ben: Depende.

Ate Reyna: Focused ka eh. Kapag may trabaho kang gustong matapos, lahat gagawin mo para matapos iyon. Di ka nakikipag-usap. Naka-headphones ka lang at di mo kami pinapansin na nasa paligid mo. May sariling mundo ka eh!

Kuya Ben: Eh di mayaman pala si Gek...

Me and Ate Reyna: Bakit?

Kuya Ben: Eh kasi... May sarili siyang mundo!

#ako na mayaman, nakabili ng isang mundo.


Conversation #2:

Ate Reyna: Kuya Ben, check mo naman ito (motioning to her computer)

Kuya Ben (looks up and says): Check!


Conversation #3:

Me: Ang bilis ng oras. Pambihira!

Ate Reyna: You can say that again.

Me and Kuya Ben: Ang bilis ng oras. Pambihira!

Ate Reyna: One more time!

Me and Kuya Ben: Ang bilis ng oras. Pambihira!

Ate Reyna: Again!

Me: Wala na, nang-uuto na.

Nobody told me that writing a resignation letter would be this difficult. There are so many things I would like to say but I can't find the right words to say it. I'm too overwhelmed with the great memories I have in OB. During the past 3 years, I've collected hundreds of fond memories and learned thousands of lessons from the people I've worked with and from the experiences I've had. Putting my "Thank you" into words would simply not be enough.

Even though I had my occasional grumblings and complainings, I'm really gonna miss this place. In fact, this is where my career all began. My first job. My roommate said that the first job is the hardest to forget, especially when you had great experiences there. And I'm starting to believe her.

Childhood Dreams

There were so many things I wanted to be when I was young - a doctor, an astronaut, a scientist, a detective. But when I discovered this treasure called books, I knew what I seriously wanted to be when I grow up - a writer.

But deep inside, I knew that it would take a lot of years and experience before I can reach my dream. So when my dream was fulfilled sooner than I expected, I was surprised but immensely overjoyed. For my first job, I was a writer.

As I was reveling on this fact a few months ago, I suddenly realized that my dream has been fulfilled. So, what now? And God spoke to my heart. He told me that it’s time to make new dreams. He probably didn’t want me to become just a writer but to be something more.

Now, God is taking me out of my comfort zone and He is bringing me some place else to fulfill another dream of mine. It has always been my dream to earn a masters degree overseas in full scholarship. And God has granted it! Even though my journey is just beginning, with God with me, I know this journey will be exciting, amazing and memorable.

Life is sweet when you're walking through it with the Lord. And it's easy to conquer mountains because in your weakness, the Lord is strong. He'll fight for you.

So have you reached that point in your life when your dreams are already fulfilled? Are you wondering if there is something to still look forward to in your life?Be encouraged and dream new dreams! Develop yourself and make the best of who you are for God's glory!