Think Out Loud

The year 2010 was an emotional circus for me. At first, I thought my list wouldn't make it to 10, but I was wrong (boy, what an ungrateful grinch I am). Lesson for the day: never underestimate the blessings of God. So, here are the top 10 highlights in my 2010 that I want to thank God:

When I was younger, it was easier to make friends with guys than with girls. Almost all girls my age were starting to get really focused on their looks. They discovered the wonders of face powders, nail polish, and they are always searching high and low for the perfect hair, and of course, the hot good looking guys.

I wasn't into those things. Sure, I'm particular with the clothes I wear and making sure that I don't look like a monster everyday, but I never held a hairbrush for more than 2 seconds (except when I'm brushing my hair) and I scrunch my nose over horrible whiffs of perfume. In fact, I even remember having only 2 crushes in high school (which eventually drained even before the school year ended) and none in college. So, it was a little hard for me to connect with most of the girls, especially in high school. My focuses back then were maintaining good grades, practicing lines for plays, practicing solos for glee club, and figuring out the next issue for my column. Totally dork-ish, I know, but for some strange reasons, some of the boys in my class shared the same interests as I had. And no, I didn't fall in love with them and they didn't fall in love with me. It was all very platonic.

College was better. The girl barkadas I didn't have in highschool I gained in college. But even though we share the same interests (such as complaining over a subject or downgrading an instructor, HAHA), I still found myself quick friends with the withering number of guys in our department (majority are girls and some of the guys either shift to a new course or become 'girls' too).

But my friendship with these guys were not just random. I still applied the principle of choosing, like which guys are good to be friends with and whom are not. Funny because most of my guy friends are more talkative, sarcastic, and humorously evil than I am. But yes, I found myself caring for these guys like my own brothers, same as I care for my female friends as very cool sisters. But with my guy friends, I like the way that they understand me and that I understand them (without the need to lay it out on the table) which is = we're just friends.

So I think male-female relationships are healthy when handled well. You don't get stuck into the conservative's world and you get the chance to hear the thought and opinions of the male species (on general matters) and give your thoughts and opinions as well. You wouldn't be left awkward during social functions (especially when there's a need to bring a date - not necessarily a boyfriend) and wouldn't look stupid standing in the middle of the room while you grow wide eyed with nervousness that there are males in the room.

I mean, come on. One of the things I observed being a young adult now is that women tend to see males as only potential mates. I believe they are more than that (and males should also realize that we females are also more than that). If you open your mind and start embracing that fact, you will be surprised to find yourself having good fun. You'll learn a lot from them and they'll grow respecting you. Just make sure you don't involve premature emotional intimacy or else your male-female friendship is as good as done.

That is why I think the Vizconde massacre killers could still be identified with all the technologies and latest scientific discoveries we have now.

That is, if we the right kind of people who can work on that - people who are competent, efficient, and most of all with integrity. If we could round up a team with these qualities, this case could be solved in less than a week. Unfortunately, that's not how the real world works. But I'm really curious to know who done it.

If I weren't working for an NGO, have the brave guts, and not an only child, I'd probably be working as an investigative journalist. And I'll be working on this Vizconde massacre case. I know I'd really work on it. I was three years old when this massacre/court circus happened and I've had this gut feeling that there are many things not right about this case.

Ever since I laid my eyes on a Nancy Drew hard bound copy and read my first one, I wanted to become a detective. I remember back in 5th grade, our computer teacher asked us to write an essay on what we wanted to be when we grow up and how computers can help us in that career, I wrote "a detective". But not as a cop.

I didn't know about investigative journalism back then because during that time - 5th grade - I haven't discovered my interest in writing yet. Until the following year. So in high school, I devoured detective novels and coupled it with writing for the school newspaper. And when I got into college, I took a communication course.

However, things change. Apparently, I found out that being an investigative journalist in this country is like signing off a death warrant. Through the years, hundreds of journalists had been killed, the Maguindanao massacre in 2009 being the most recent. More than 50 journalists were murdered there in just a few minutes. So being an investigative journalist is a dangerous job, especially if you do it in this country.

So yeah, I'm a pansy and a whimp. A scaredy cat. I am not brave enough to endanger my life, or the lives of my family and friends, just for something that will be twisted and torched by the justice system in just a single snap anyway.

But I came to realize that investigative journalism is not limited within the confines of the criminal world. In fact, there are dozens of documentaries being produced that are not "criminal" in a sense, but issues that still cry out attention. Like culture. Lost inheritance of the country. Plight of ordinary Filipinos who give extraordinary impact to the nation and the world.

So maybe I could still give investigative journalism a shot. It's not that I'm already old anyway. In fact, maybe I could give an investigate twist on the medical segments I'm producing for radio. Yeah, that would make it interesting. At least I would be excited doing my research and writing the scripts.

There are so many stories out there that are desperate to be heard, mysteries waiting to be discovered, trails that are waiting to be delved into deeper. It's only a matter of time. I think the Lord put all these mysteries in the world to make our lives more exciting and interesting, and for us to seek Him more.

I want to travel the world, meet new people, hear their stories, learn their culture, and see the beauty of God's creation through mankind. I want to capture every moment, steal each distant look, and freeze raw emotions through a camera's lens.

Until these happen in real life, i would only end up writing a fantasy.

It is my only hope for this coming year that my wildest dreams will start turning into a reality. After all, God told me this morning that nothing is impossible with Him.

It's a promise I will cling on to for life.

I had a great time.

I didn't expect I would say that but I honestly did. I had fun with my friends (friends could be extra cool at times like this) and we enjoyed taking pictures with people who wore expensive, creative, and amazing costumes.

I came as Cruelle Deville. Yep, the villain from 101 Dalmatians. And I'm very proud to say the I only spent a total 57 pesos for the whole get up.

So here's a little tip to those who want dress up as Cruella Deville in the near future and don't want to spend much (or spend anything at all). For Cruella's signature hair, use white poster paint but make sure that it's washable. You can apply it in highlights, just like the way I did it, or you could cover the whole half of your hair with white paint. As for the clothes, wear something fit and elegant, like a black fitted dress (the goes a little above the knees) and high-heeled red shoes. Cruella is a fashion designer so she dresses crisply, but of course, weirdly. You could top it off with a white fur coat. I did not find a white coat in time (and I don't have the time to look for one) so I wore black. For the props, borrow a stuffed dog. Or, you could use a long, cigar holder.

Here's a few more pictures during the party:

Afterwards, my friends and I went to Starbucks to celebrate Ate Gigi's second President's Award. It's the highest form of award in our company and the framed certificate is coupled with $500.

Starbucks was where we continued the fun. We laughed at pictures from yesterday's department Christmas party because of the silly stolen shots of everyone. Well, we laughed at ourselves, actually.

Once again, I had a great laughing session with my friends. What a way to end the year. I hope we get more of this next year. But first, Merry Christmas!

i so suck at writing now.

i'm currently doing a follow-up story on one of our beneficiaries. i did the interviews, gathered all the facts, finished my draft - but that's it. i could not add any depth into it. it has no heart at all. no conveyance of emotions whatsoever. maybe i'm no heartfelt writer. maybe i'm just a storyteller. a dull, shallow storyteller.

Who would have thought that I actually learned something from school that isn't exactly academic?

While school has somehow become a distant feeling for me now and the thought of it sometimes drains me (my last 2 years in college was a raging war), I'm glad that these skills were exhausted. I may not have been thankful before, but I'm extremely thankful now.

But everything is still a product of God's grace