Think Out Loud

Books I hope to read before 2011 ends:

1. The Twelfth Imam by Joel Rosenberg

2. The Confession by John Grisham


3. Pacific Rims by Rafe Bartholomew


4. The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis


5. My Daddy Long Legs by Jean Webster (where can I find this book?!?)



6. I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris (just because I'm probably the only Christian young adult in the world who hasn't read this)

What would life be if we are allowed to chase our dreams and be who we want to be? Would we be happy or will life be the same - full of challenges and crossroads?

I'm slowly inching my way back to blogging after weeks of being AWOL. I'm experiencing a serious case of writer's block, not just in blogging but in writing as a whole. And it is so not cool, especially when your best (and only) capital is writing.

I am so uninspired. My mind is like an inflated balloon that popped, ricocheting like crazy. My enthusiasm is going down the drain. Expressing thoughts is becoming really hard. I'm not sure why this is happening but I guess stuff like these are bound to happen when you're being pressed on all sides with issues and, yes, problems.

Things have been pretty rough lately. I never really expected it to affect me like this - with a massive writer's block. So just a while ago, prior to this entry, I decided to battle it out with writing again. Maybe it would cure me  of my "depressed writer's syndrome".

(If you find it too unbelievable, yes, I'm a writer by profession. I find it hard to believe too, haha.)

Maybe I just need a change of scenery. But taking a leave off work might not do the trick because by the time I return, my stack of work would be 100x more than what I left it. I thought of quitting my job, but then where will I go? By the time my inspiration's back and my enthusiasm reached the normal level, I wouldn't have any place to source it through. And later on, I would just regret quitting my job because I did it compulsively.

Sigh. I think I need that Castle DVD right now.

A little bit of mind churning and a little bit of action might just do the trick.

I don't know why I'm dealing with a lot of "father stuff" lately. I'm not sure if it has something to do with the upcoming Father's Day or if it's something more than that. Ever since my Antique trip, until I got home, to my sharing moments with my roommates, to finding out that our office in Davao is moving somewhere close to my real dad's old company, up to the topics being talked about in Elvie's internet-radio today - I just noticed I'm being bombarded with too much of this.

To make things even better, our radio segment producer texted me this afternoon and asked me to do a Father's Day episode for Friday. So I asked around in the office, particularly the fathers, on what father's day topic appeals to them. I really didn't want it to be just any usual health topic that concerns men - like prostate cancer. I mean, where's the fun and interest in that? Father's Day is supposed to salute the fathers, not hound them with medical facts and theories on why their aged bodies are deteriorating. I mean, come on, they already get that.

So as I was doing my survey, one specific topic stood out, one that I'm not really thrilled of doing. Behold, the Father and Child Bonding.

Great. Just the kind of topic that is very far away from my heart.

I'm an illegitimate child. When I was a kid, I asked my mother why my dad doesn't sleep in our house. When I turned 9, she told me everything. The last time I saw my dad was during my 17th birthday. Since then, I never saw him.

I couldn't say I was deprived of a dad during childhood. He was there during my birthdays, gave me gifts, took us out for dinner, visited me everyday (that waned as the years went by), and supported my schooling. However, now that I'm 22, I just came to realize that without constantly having him around, we've missed something important: the bonding.

We never had deep conversations as I was growing up. We never talked about anything more than "how's school" and "what are you up to now". I don't know his favorite food. I don't know his quirks. I don't know what his hobbies are. I don't know his favorite movies. I don't even know if he watches movies. We never had the "future" talk. He never taught me how to drive. The only thing I could remember him teaching me was how to operate a cellphone. Other than that, it was all pretty shallow.

It's hard living as someone's biggest secret. Everything becomes limited and restricted, even the relationship. But I've grown used to it and I understand the situation perfectly. In fact, I'd rather choose not to see my dad but be assured that he and his family are well and in good terms than for me to see my him but knowing full well that his family's knowledge of my existence has deeply hurt them. They've been through so much hurts and pains that I don't want to be another cause of a much deeper wound. I don't want relationships to be destroyed just because of me.

When I finally got the go signal to do this episode on Friday, I admit my heart dropped in bafflement. It's hard to write about something you know you would have enjoyed but didn't. I didn't even realize that it had touched a sensitive spot. But God wanted me to realize that during all those years that I was fatherless, He became a father to me. When I needed a hug, He hugged me; when I needed someone to talk to, He listened to me; when I was rebelling, He disciplined me; when I achieved milestones in life, He rejoiced with me.

I know my real dad loves me, and I love him too. But God's love for me is even greater than what people, or in this case my real dad, can give. In Him there are no limitations, only freedom.

And as an extension of His love, He's sending mentors, like the closest father-figure I have, who are filling in what I've missed and teaching me what my real dad would have taught me.

So advance Happy Father's Day, Dad.

I think I'm ready to work on that script now :)

My friend just dedicated a blog entry to me. Haha. Insane guy. You can read his blog entry here .

Thank you for this, friend. You just encouraged me to be more random. HAHA

This should have been posted last week ^_^

It's been almost a week since my 2-week getaway/adventure in Antique and Aklan. Until now, I'm still floating in the air with the memories of the good times and the hard times we all conquered. It's not easy to decide where to begin. Living in those 2 weeks felt like 2 years. But now that's over, I feel that the experience ended too fast and I wanted more.

The memories are still fresh, the feeling of nostalgia still very vivid. Such a remarkable experience.

So before the euphoria dies down, here's my top 15 photos that would best describe my Antique-Aklan experience:

I lived the dream! I went as a writer and I was the first one to use our brand new Nikon 5100 DSLR. There's nothing more exciting than going on field armed with a camera and a pen. In fact, as I mentioned in an earlier post, I was overwhelmed with so many firsts. But this one tops it all. Because of this experience, I'm starting to consider doing freelance travel writing when the right time comes.

I met my two mentors: one in photography and one in writing. I learned how to tinker the camera, shoot with the right angle, and ask the right questions to the right people in order to put substance in my story. One thing that made these mentoring sessions even better was that I was able to apply the things I learned right away. Talk about practical exam!

I sailed the rough seas of Aklan aboard this small, humble fisherman's boat. Thankfully, the waters were not as rough as it was the following day. We sailed late afternoon (this was part of our visit to one of our livelihood beneficiaries 3 years ago. It's a success story that I'm gonna right about soon). With this once in a lifetime experience, I can say that I was able to live a fisherman's life for at most 30 minutes, even though we didn't really do any catching or fishing.

If you think 9pm is early, then the province life is not for you. In Antique, all shops are closed by 8pm. So if you take a nap, don't allow yourself to sleep in after 7pm or else you won't find any place for dinner. And we learned it the hard way. Thankfully, the caretaker of the guest house and his friend knew a restaurant about 20 minutes away that is open until 12 midnight.


Welcome to THE Guest House, the place we considered home for more than a week. This was where we slept, ate, worked, and feverishly assembled the wheelchairs. This used to be a safe house for families caught in the middle of Antique's political wars. And it so happened that Paul's family, the caretaker, used to one of those. One night  (while I was doing my laundry) he suddenly said that he never thought he would be back to this place. It is now bearing very little marks of what his family went through when he was still a small boy. Wearing my investigative journalist's hat, I found out that his father used to be a political player in the barangay level and was caught in the political mayhem. If I remember it right, that was prior to the Martial Law up to the transition of power to the late Cory Aquino's government. The late Evilio Javier, an avid Aquino supporter who was assassinated during the snap elections, was one of the people who took care of his family.

NOW, if you're wondering if we encountered half bodies flying around or small monsters running in circles around this fairly huge guest house (after all, this is Antique), sorry to disappoint you but we didn't. And it's not as if such weirdness was welcomed. The only annoying creatures we dealt with were dozens of jumping frogs and hundreds of flying gamo-gamo.

And FYI, we were the first ones to use this freshly-renovated guest house.

Stingy with the overloading law? Well, this is how they do it in Antique. As long as you can fit in and the tricycle can run, feel free to hitch. With pay, of course. This happened to us when we went home from Gaisano Mall. They fit all 8 of us in one tricycle. How that happened? I'll leave it to your creative imagination.

1. We have a radio partner now in Antique,
2. It's fun to build rapport with radio hosts, and
3. I can now scratch and scribble an OB script in 2 minutes 

I hope I can do the third part for our TWR scripts.


I got inked! Thanks to Mark, he pressured me into getting a henna at Boracay. I guess that's what they call peer pressure. But I didn't go off without a fight. I bribed him to pay half of the charge or else I wouldn't get a henna with him. Ha! Worked like a charm.

Last February, I prayed for a road trip vacation. But I didn't expect it would be in this form - and it was waaaay better than what I expected! A road trip it was, all right. We went back and forth to Antique (which, FYI, is a four hour drive) and then, the adventures in this mini-elf! The team started telling me to be careful with my prayers because God is answering them in extraordinary ways and it's getting them involved too. HAHA. But I know you had fun, guys. Don't deny it. So I'll pray some more! ^_^

The best and the highlight of this whole trip was that we were able to minister to people who were in desperate need of Christ. We were able to talk to them, encourage them, pray for them, touch their hands, and simply pat their shoulders. Oftentimes, these simple actions bring loads of comfort to people who are on the verge of giving up. It was a great opportunity to extend the love and care of Jesus. This made the whole trip a million times fulfilling.

I can't wait for my next adventures! Stay tuned!