I read from someone's blog that you don't put down entries just because things didn't turn out the way you want it to be. And she's right. Although there is still that raging force inside me that wants to delete those few particular entries that I put up this year, I'm resisting the temptation of doing that. I mean, I just found out something really disturbing the other day and I wanted to rip those entries off because of the mixture of emotions I felt.
But once again, Dawn's right. Those entries are not just thoughts; it contains my emotions too. And putting it down would be like denying myself of those genuine emotions and thoughts that I worked so hard putting together.
But yes, I am going to be brutally honest in this entry. I am aghast, upset and I feel totally betrayed. I want to rip someone's head off because my trust was totally shattered. But even if I say the things I wanted to say, I don't think it will matter. And at this point, I don't think anything I say would. I admit my perspective towards these people changed. And I know I'm acting like a total pharisee here but cut me some slack. I'm a human being too who gets hurt.
Worse day scenarios have been running in my head recently. If things didn't get rocky halfway, I would probably be way deep in this stupid soup bowl. But thank God I'm not. Just that thought makes me want to throw up everything I ate since the beginning of the year. It's that Disgusting.
And I don't think I'm being immature. In fact, out of all of us involved here (excluding my real friends), it seems like I'm the only one acting as an adult. And that shouldn't be! I may be the youngest but I know when I need to act like one because for goodness' sakes I'm 23. And I shouldn't be the only one taking that step.
Yet on the bright side, I am glad that God protected me, and I'm positive He is continually watching over me. He gave me friends who cared for my well-being and who got my back as I got theirs. And I am thankful to Him that I have a praying mother who never forgets to pray for me even though I occassionally forget to pray for her .
It would take time before I get over this. Heck, it would take time before we all get over this. But I'm glad that I'm not going off in this journey alone. I'm glad Someone's got my back, and that Someone got me.
But once again, Dawn's right. Those entries are not just thoughts; it contains my emotions too. And putting it down would be like denying myself of those genuine emotions and thoughts that I worked so hard putting together.
But yes, I am going to be brutally honest in this entry. I am aghast, upset and I feel totally betrayed. I want to rip someone's head off because my trust was totally shattered. But even if I say the things I wanted to say, I don't think it will matter. And at this point, I don't think anything I say would. I admit my perspective towards these people changed. And I know I'm acting like a total pharisee here but cut me some slack. I'm a human being too who gets hurt.
Worse day scenarios have been running in my head recently. If things didn't get rocky halfway, I would probably be way deep in this stupid soup bowl. But thank God I'm not. Just that thought makes me want to throw up everything I ate since the beginning of the year. It's that Disgusting.
And I don't think I'm being immature. In fact, out of all of us involved here (excluding my real friends), it seems like I'm the only one acting as an adult. And that shouldn't be! I may be the youngest but I know when I need to act like one because for goodness' sakes I'm 23. And I shouldn't be the only one taking that step.
Yet on the bright side, I am glad that God protected me, and I'm positive He is continually watching over me. He gave me friends who cared for my well-being and who got my back as I got theirs. And I am thankful to Him that I have a praying mother who never forgets to pray for me even though I occassionally forget to pray for her .
It would take time before I get over this. Heck, it would take time before we all get over this. But I'm glad that I'm not going off in this journey alone. I'm glad Someone's got my back, and that Someone got me.
